This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for...

By Curt David

September 28, 2012

He just found out that he was secretly playing Robin in The Dark Knight Rises.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, The Jackal, Coyote Ugly, and The Fox and the Hound all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My alphabetical actress crush list...L is for Lucy Liu).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of September 28th, the new movies in wide release are Looper, Hotel Transylvania, and Won’t Back Down.

LooperHotel TransylvaniaWon't Back DownWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThis is a funny assortment of English letters- never heard this word. This will be about Dracula! This sounds like a movie I don’t want to watch. Transylvania - that’s clear. That movie will win the first point this week.
Best Genre
and Rating
Action/ Sci-Fi
Rated R for strong violence, language, some sexuality/nudity, and drug content.
Rated PG for rude humor, action, and scary images.
Rated PG for thematic elements and language.
Love the different genres. 1/3 point each.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)
Face your past. Fight your future.

2/5 A little intriguing.
Even monsters need a vacation.

2/5 A little intriguing.
If you can’t beat the system...change it.

2/5 A little intriguing.
Not a lot intriguing mind you, but not horrible. 1/3 point each.
Best Part of TrailerWhile I could already sense weak dialogue, the plot looked awesome. Kids will like it. I’m such a sucker for inspirational movie trailers. This was a good one. As an former inner-city teacher, Won’t Back Down gets my vote this week.
Coolest Lead ActorJoseph Gordon-Levitt from Third Rock from the Sun, Inception, and Ten Things I Hate About You. The voice of Adam Sandler from Big Daddy, Happy Gilmore, and Waterboy. Maggie Gyllenhaal from The Dark Knight, Secretary, and Donnie Darko. Third Rock from the Sun is the best television comedy. Joseph will win the point.
Best CastBruce Willis (Die Hard), Emily Blunt (Devil Wears Prada), and Jeff Daniels (Dumb & Dumber) The voices of Andy Samberg, Selena Gomez, Kevin James, Fran Drescher, and like 20 other celebrities. Viola Davis (The Help), Holly Hunter (The Firm), and Rosie Perez (White Men Can’t Jump) Looper and Won’t Back Down split this point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Writer and Director Rian Johnson also wrote and directed a movie called Brick. Director Genndy Tartakovsky has also directed several animated tv shows. Writer and Director Daniel Barnz also wrote and directed Beastly and Phoebe in Wonderland. These directors are still establishing themselves. 1/3 point each.

So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Looper and Won’t Back Down score 2 and 1/2 points each and Hotel Transylvania scores 2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like a certain genre, feel free to just watch that movie. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Looper and Won’t Back Down are the best movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: But after watching the trailers, Won’t Back Down is the only movie I still want to see. That movie will win the column this week.
Conclusion 3: The state of education in some of the schools in America is unbelievably poor. Find out ways that you can make a difference.




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