This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for...

By Curt David

September 21, 2012

So I hear you were in a band once upon a time. What was it called?

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, American Psycho, American Gangster, and American Graffiti all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My alphabetical actress crush list...K is for Keira Knightley).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of September 21st the new movies in wide release are Dredd, End of Watch, House at the End of the Street, and Trouble with the Curve.


Dredd End of Watch House at the End of the Street Trouble with the Curve WINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleI’ve never heard of these combination of letters before. I wonder if watch is a time telling device or a job shift of looking at something. Very clear description of this location. A little spooky. Does every title this week want to be unclear? I’ll give the House the point. It has to be a horror film, if not, I’ll award the other three movies the point instead.
Best Genre
and Rating
Action/ Sci-Fi
Rated R for strong bloody violence, language, drug use, and some sexual content.
Drama/Thriller
Rated R for strong violence, some disturbing images, pervasive language including sexual references, and drug use.
Horror
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and terror, thematic elements, language, some teen partying, and brief drug material.
Drama
Rated PG-13 for language, sexual references, some thematic material, and smoking.
Not a weekend for the kiddos. Each movie will get 1/4 of the point.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)
Judgment is coming.

3/5 - Oh, maybe I have heard of Dredd before. Judge Dredd, right?
Every Moment of Your Life They Stand Watch.

3/5 - Creepy.
Fear reaches out... for the girl next door.

3/5 - Shouldn’t fear be doing something a little more scary than reaching?
Whatever Life Throws At You

4/5 - Almost cheesy, but then it’s about baseball, so its pretty clever
I’m sentimental today. The baseball/life tagline will win the point this round.
Best Part of TrailerIt looks fun, but I felt a little confused afterward. Looks like the most well-done version of COPS ever. I liked the "your mom" joke. It was a good horror trailer and Katniss! Predictable...but also predictably looks good. I don’t know, team. They were all so different, none were horrible. 1/4th points all around!
Coolest Lead ActorKarl Urban from The Bourne Supremacy, Doom, and Lord of the Rings II. Jake Gyllenhaal from October Sky, Donnie Darko, and The Day After Tomorrow. Jennifer Lawrence from The Hunger Games, Winter’s Bone, and X-Men: First Class. Clint Eastwood from Million Dollar Baby, Mystic River, and The Bridges of Madison County. X-men and The Hunger Games have influenced my life more than the famous Clint. Jenny gets the point for the coolest actor in this column*.
Best CastLena Headey (300) Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air) and America Ferrera (Ugly Betty) Elisabeth Shue (Back to the Future II and III) Amy Adams (Enchanted), John Goodman (Roseanne), and Justin Timberlake (The Social Network) Trouble with the Curve clearly has the best cast (no offense, other casts).
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Director Pete Travis also directed Endgame and Vantage Point. Writer and Director David Ayer also wrote Training Day and The Fast and the Furious. Writer Jonathan Mostow also directed Terminator 3. Director Robert Lorenz was assistant director for Million Dollar Baby, Mystic River, and The Bridges of Madison County. And all four Directors can split the street cred point too.



*Please don’t write hate mail to Box Office Prophets for that declaration.

So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, House at the End of the Street scores 2 and 3/4 points, Trouble with the Curve also scores 2 and 3/4 points, and End of Watch and Dredd each score 3/4 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you’re a fan of the Dredd character, feel free to just watch that movie. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, House at the End of the Street and Trouble with the Curve are both the best movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Since horror movies have a worse track record than Clint Eastwood films, I’d have to grant Trouble with the Curve the tie-break winner for this weekend.
Conclusion 3: Jake Gyllenhaal is my doppelganger. No, I swear he is! Why don’t you believe me? It’s true!




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