This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for September 7-9, 2012

By Curt David

September 7, 2012

I keep telling you that I do not have Prince Albert in a can!

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, The Italian Job, From Russia with Love, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and Hotel Rwanda all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My alphabetical actress crush list...I is for Irina Derevko from Alias played by Lena Olin).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of September 7th, the new movies in wide release are The Cold Light of Day and The Words.

The Cold Light of Day The WordsWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleI don’t get it. That doesn’t even make sense. I understand these words, but what is this movie about? The two least clear titles of all-time seem to be released in the same week. They each barely win 1/2 point.
Best Genre
and Rating
Rated PG-13 for language and sexual content.
Rated PG-13 for brief strong language and smoking.
Both different genres, both the same rating - another 1/2 point each.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)
“Instinct is his greatest weapon”

3/5 - Not bad. Could have been more generic.
“There’s more than one way to take a life.”

4/5 - Now that’s interesting.
There’s more than one way to take a point. The Words.
Best Part of TrailerThe plot may not have been original, but it made me care about who are the good guys? Who are the bad guys? What was that? I mean it looked well done and well acted, but seriously what was the plot?!? You find a book and... no, I still don’t understand your trailer. Instead, The Cold Light of Day will win the point by default.
Coolest Lead ActorHenry Cavill from The Immortals and The Tudors. Bradley Cooper from The Hangover, Limitless, and Alias. I hate these weeks when I feel bad about my abs. Alias always trumps so Bradley will win the point.
Best CastBruce Willis (Die Hard) and Sigourney Weaver (Avatar) Dennis Quaid (Traffic), Zoe Saldana (Avatar), J.K. Simmons (Spider-Man), Olivia Wilde (Tron Legacy), and Jeremy Irons (Oscar winner and voice of Scar from the Lion King) Willis and Weaver have more star power than any other combination of five celebrities. Point for them (please forgive me, Zoe - I still love you)
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Cinematographer Remi Adefarasin has also worked on Elizabeth, Little Fockers, and many more films. Writer/Directors Brian Klugman and Lee Sternhal also wrote Tron: Legacy. This was a tough week for street cred, but you have to start somewhere - 1/2 point each.

So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Words scores 3 and 1/2 points and The Cold Light of Day scores 3 and 1/2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you prefer movies where you know the plot before watching them, feel free to just watch The Cold Light of Day. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Words and The Cold Light of Day are the best movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: BUT WHAT IS THE PLOT OF THE WORDS?!?!?! The movie looks great, I have equally strong crushes on Zoe and Bradley, but I don’t know what the movie is about. The Cold Light of Day wins the column this week.
Conclusion 3: And perhaps no one will find this anecdote amusing, but when I went to play the trailer for The Words online, a 30 second advertisement came up, which happened to be an advertisement for The Words.




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