This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for...

By Curt David

August 24, 2012

Kristen, why?

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Monster’s Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Balls of Fury all have different plots). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My alphabetical actress crush list...G is for Jennifer Garner.)

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of August 24th, the new movies in wide release are The Apparition, Hit and Run, and Premium Rush.


The Apparition Hit and Run Premium Rush WINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThe what? An action film? I don’t know what this one means either. These titles don’t tell me anything! Each film gets 1/3 point for equal lack of clarity.
Best Genre
and Rating
Horror
Rated PG-13 for terror/ frightening images and some sensuality.
Action/Comedy
Rated R for pervasive language including sexual references, graphic nudity, some violence, and some drug content.
Action
Rated PG-13 some violence, intense action sequences, and language.
Two PG-13s and two Actions. No unique winner. Another 1/3 point for each film.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)
“Once you believe you die”

3/5 - It’s straightforward. I like it.
“A comedy that never takes its foot off the gas.”

2/5 - I like the car reference.
"Ride Like Hell"

4/5 - Short and Sweet.
Win Like Hell. That didn’t work as well, but Premium Rush takes the point.
Best Part of TrailerSort of reminded me of the book Sphere and every other horror movie. The action looked good. I didn’t see too much of the comedy. Unique film, bicycle action actually looks good. Premium Rush had the best trailer.
Coolest Lead ActorAshley Greene from the Twilight movies. Kristen Bell from Veronica Mars and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Joseph Gordon-Levitt from The Dark Knight Rises, Inception, and Third Rock from the Sun. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the man. He can do no wrong in my book. Point for him.
Best CastTom Felton (Harry Potter films) Bradley Cooper (The Hangover), Tom Arnold, (True Lies), and Kristin Chenoweth (Wicked) I didn’t recognize any movie stars (but see my conclusions below) Hit and Run has the most famous cast.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Writer and Director Todd Lincoln has written and directed some short films. Actor, Writer, and Director Dax Shepard acted in Baby Mama. Director and Writer David Koepp has also written Jurassic Park, Mission: Impossible, Panic Room, and Spider-Man. Multi-talented men, but David Koepp has the best street cred.



So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Premium Rush scores 4 and 2/3 points, Hit and Run scores 1 and 2/3 points, and The Apparition scores 2/3 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you haven’t seen a horror movie lately, feel free to watch The Apparition. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Premium Rush is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I love the actors this week. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was in my favorite tv comedy (Third Rock from the Sun), Bradley Cooper was in my favorite tv drama (Alias), and Tom Felton was in my favorite movie series (Harry Potter).
Conclusion 3: Kristen Chenoweth was in my second favorite Broadway musical: Wicked. Aaron Tveit, from Premium Rush, was in my all-time favorite Broadway musical: Next to Normal. (What? Can’t a guy have a list of favorite Broadway musicals? Don’t hate.)



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