This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for August 3-5, 2012

By Curt David

August 3, 2012

The one on the right doesn't look tall enough for this ride.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Quick and the Dead, Fast and the Furious, Faster, and Speed all have different plots). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My alphabetical actress crush list...D is for Zooey Deschanel)

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of August 3rd, the new movies in wide release are Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days and Total Recall.


Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days Total Recall WINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThe third Wimpy Kid movie? Those books are so cute. Is this an update of a Schwarzenegger movie? Both movies have recognizable titles. Both movies will earn 1/2 a point.
Best Genre
and Rating
Comedy
Rated PG for some rude humor.
Action
Rated PG-13 for sci-fi violence and action, some sexual content, brief nudity, and language.
Perfect week- two different ratings, two different genres. Half point each.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)
N/A

0/5 - That’s a shame.
What is real?

1/5 Every tagline sounds like this.
Total Recall just barely wins the point this round.
Best Part of TrailerI have no problem admitting I have liked all of the Wimpy Kid trailers. Admittedly, I never saw the original, but this looks action-packed with a great plot. Not only does Total Recall get the point, it also wins the award for a trailer that best turned my low expectations into high expectations.
Coolest Lead ActorZachary Gordon plays the lead charater in the Wimpy Kid movies. Colin Farrell from Miami Vice, Daredevil, and Phone Booth. I’m actually going to let the guys split the point. I think Zachary is just as cool as Colin.
Best CastSteve Zahn (Sahara) and all the popular characters from the books. Kate Beckinsale (Underworld), Jessica Biel (7th Heaven), and Bill Nighy (Love Actually) Total Recall does have the more impressive cast. Point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Director David Bowers also directed Flushed Away and Astro Boy. Director Len Wiseman has also directed Underworld and Live Free or Die Hard. Wiseman is developing some great street cred. He’ll win the point this week.



So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Total Recall scores 5 and 1/2 points and Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days scores 1 and 1/2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are under the age of 16, feel free to watch the Wimpy Kid movie. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Total Recall is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Director Len Wiseman is married to Kate Beckinsale!
Conclusion 3: Does anyone else have the 7th Heaven theme song stuck in their heads? Thanks a lot Jessica Biel.



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