This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for July 27-29, 2012

By Curt David

July 26, 2012

Shouldn't we be dancing?

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Love Actually, Punch-Drunk Love, and 007:From Russia with Love all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My alphabetical actress crush list...C is for Catherine Zeta-Jones!)

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of July 27th, the new movies in wide release are The Watch and Step Up Revolution.


The Watch Step Up Revolution WINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThis movie could be about anything. This is the fourth Step Up movie!!! The three Step Up movies have some popularity. Point.
Best Genre
and Rating
Comedy
Rated R for some strong sexual content including references, pervasive language, and violent images.
Dance
Rated PG-13 for some suggestive dancing and language.
Perfect week- two different ratings, two different genres. Half point each.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)
Got Protection?

5/5 - Funny. Stereotypical question, but this time it means protection from a neighborhood watch group. Ha!
One Step Can Change The World

3/5 It could have been a lot worse.
The Watch wins the point- and makes it a tie!
Best Part of TrailerI did not think it was going to be funny, but I laughed none-the-less. It actually had a plot! Use dancing to stop an evil corporation. I actually liked both of these trailers the same amount. Half point each - still a tie.
Coolest Lead ActorBen Stiller from Zoolander, Night at the Museum, and Meet the Parents. I couldn’t find any big name actors, but maybe one will turn out to be the next Channing Tatum. Uh-oh, this doesn’t look promising for Step Up. The Watch gets another point.
Best CastJonah Hill (Superbad), Vince Vaughn (Wedding Crashers) and Will Forte (SNL)See above comment.And The Watch will have to win another point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Writer Seth Rogen (the actor) has also written Green Hornet, Pineapple Express, and Superbad. I actually couldn’t find any famous people with street cred (but the dancers mos def got some) Wow - The Watch stepped up! (See what I did there?) Wins the final point.



So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Watch scores 5 points and Step Up Revolution scores 2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if these movies don’t suit your fancy, feel free to watch The Dark Knight Rises again. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Watch is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: C is also for Cookie. (Check out Cookie Monster singing Call Me Maybe on the Internet. Also, the classic Cookie Monster on Martha Stewart video).
Conclusion 3: I actually saw Step Up on opening night in theaters. It was filmed in Baltimore. I was living in Bmore at the time. Same neighborhood as Channing Tatum’s character (honorary Street Cred point just awarded to myself)



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