This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for July 20-22, 2012
By Curt David
July 20, 2012
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Billie Elliot, Donnie Darko, and Rocky Balboa all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My alphabetical actress crush list...B is for Belle from Beauty and the Beast.)
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of July 20th, the new movies in wide release are....wait...the only new movie is The Dark Knight Rises. Since I can’t compare it to another movie, I’ll list all the actresses who have played Catwoman and another acting role you should watch them in.
|The Dark Knight Rises||The Catwomen. ||WINNER|
(1 point per category)
|Clearest Title||It’s the third and final installment of Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy! ||Julie Newmar (1960s TV Batman). Rent Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. ||The Dark Knight
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, some sensuality, and language.
|Lee Meriwether (1966 Batman film). Rent the TV series Barnaby Jones.||Rises Will Win|
(out of 5 stars)
|A Fire Will Rise
5/5 I don’t know what this means, but it still gets me excited for the film!
|Eartha Kitt (Last season of '60s TV Batman). Listen to the original “Santa Baby” song. ||All The Points|
|Best Part of Trailer||It was epic. (You’re going down, Avengers) ||Michelle Pfeiffer (1992 Batman Returns). Rent Scarface. ||This Week Because
|Coolest Lead Actor||Christian Bale from Batman Begins, The Prestige, and Newsies. ||Halle Berry (Catwoman film). Rent X-Men. ||It’s The Only
|Best Cast||Morgan Freeman (Million Dollar Baby), Tom Hardy (Inception), Liam Neeson (Taken), Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Inception), Anne Hathaway (The Devil Wears Prada), Marion Cotillard (Inception), and Michael Caine (Miss Congeniality) ||Anne Hathaway (The Dark Knight Rises). Rent The Devil Wears Prada. ||Movie To Be
|Best Street Cred|
For the Production
|Writer and Director Christopher Nolan also wrote and directed Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, The Prestige, and Inception. ||The lady that lives down the street from me. See her in a catwoman outfit if you rent my dreams. ||Released Into Theaters!|
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Dark Knight Rises scores all seven points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to be the only person in the world not watching this film, feel free to stay home next weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, The Dark Knight Rises is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I hope you noticed all my Inception references in the Best Cast row and in the Best Street Cred row.
Conclusion 3: Don’t judge me, but I still haven’t seen The Avengers. However, I think I am going to see The Dark Knight Rises.