This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for July 13-15, 2012
By Curt David
July 13, 2012
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Dangerous Minds, A Beautiful Mind, and Megamind all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My alphabetical actress crush list...A is for Amy Adams)
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of July 13th, the new movies in wide release are....wait...it’s just Ice Age: Continental Drift. So instead of comparing it to another movie, I’ll list seven reasons why you should go see Ice Age during the hot summer months.
|Ice Age: Continental Drift ||Top 7 reasons to see Ice Age this weekend in the heat ||WINNER|
(1 point per category)
|Clearest Title||This is clearly the fourth Ice Age film. ||#7: Watching a movie with Ice in the title could make you think you’re cool. ||Ice Age wins the point. |
Rated PG for mild rude humor and action/peril
|#6: Even more likely, watching a movie in an air-conditioned theatre should keep you cool.||Only movie, it’ll win all the points. |
(out of 5 stars)
|#5: N/A (That’s right, Ice Age - you don’t get a ringing endorsement from me when you don’t participate).||Ice Age?! How did you lose a point when you didn’t have any competitors!
|Best Part of Trailer||It was hilarious. (Some people like Scrat, but Sid’s the best character) ||#4: The movie won’t be that much more expensive than running the A/C in your entire house for three hours. ||Ice Age is back, and winning another point.
|Coolest Lead Actor||The voice of Ray Romano (Everybody Loves Raymond) ||#3: It’ll give your kids, who are at home and loud and sweaty, something to do. ||And another point.
|Best Cast||The voices of Joy Behar, Queen Latifah, Denis Leary, Jennifer Lopez, Nicki Minaj, Seann William Scott, Patrick Stewart, Wanda Sykes, and more! ||#2: Seeing a movie with Latifah, Minaj and J-Lo might actually make you a cooler person. ||And another.
|Best Street Cred|
For the Production
|Directed by Steve Martino (director of Horton Hears a Who) and Mike Thurmeier (director of Ice Age 3) ||#1: And it’ll definitely make you need to cool off, after realizing how expensive are the 3D ticket prices. ||And one more. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Ice Age: Continental Drift scores 6 points and I guess I’ll take the other point.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like superhero movies better than cartoons, feel free to watch Spider-Man or wait until The Dark Knight Rises next weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Ice Age: Continental Drift is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: And if I watched the trailer right, there will also be a Simpsons cartoon short before the Ice Age movie.
Conclusion 3: However, my mother would not want children to watch a Simpsons short, as that show was never allowed on in our house growing up.