This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for June 21-23, 2012

By Curt David

June 21, 2012

Jim Carrey really needs a tan.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Pitch Black, Meet Joe Black, and Men in Black all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (two weeks until Emma Stone returns to theatres!)

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of June 22nd, the new movies in wide release are Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Brave, and in fewer theatres: Seeking a Friend for the End of the World.


Abraham Lincoln:
Vampire Hunter
BraveSeeking a Friend for the End of the WorldWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThis sounds like the coolest title of all-time.This movie must have a hero in it.This sounds like a quirky film.Abraham Lincoln is a vampire hunter. You don’t get more clear than that. Point for Abe.
Best Genre
and Rating
Action/Fantasy:
Rated R for violence throughout and brief sexuality.
Animation
Rated PG for some scary action and rude humor.
Dramedy:
Rated R for language including sexual references, some drug use, and brief violence.
About time we get another Pixar film. Brave will win the best genre this week.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)
“President by day. Hunter by night.”

4/5 That’s right. Abe Lincoln hunts vampires!
“Change your fate.”

3/5 Inspirational.
"Nice knowing you."

4/5 Hahaha, that's what you'd say to someone during the apocalypse.
Abe and End of the World will share the point for best tagline.
Best Part of TrailerI still don’t know if I know the plot, other than what the title has already made clear. Pixar. In Scotland. It’ll have to be good.The premise and the cast are amazing. Can't tell how the movie will be. Have you seen previous Pixar trailers and movies? Brave wins.
Coolest Lead ActorBenjamin Walker is Abraham Lincoln in this movie. The voice of Kelly Macdonald (Helena Ravenclaw from Harry Poter 7.2) Steve Carell from The Office and a ton of movies. Steve Carell is the coolest actor of the lot. Point.
Best CastDominic Cooper (Howard Stark in Captain America) The voices of Emma Thompson, Julie Walters, and Craig Ferguson. Keira Knightley (Pirates of the Caribbean), Adam Brody (The O.C.) and Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights) Keira Knightley is pretty famous too. She’ll win this point as well.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Director Timur Bekmambetov has also directed Wanted, Day Watch, and Night Watch. Directed by Steve Purcell, Mark Andrews, and Brenda Chapman. Brenda directed The Prince of Egypt 14 years ago. Writer and Director Lorene Scafaria also wrote Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. I’m going to cheat in this round, while no directors stand out, the street cred of Pixar definitely wins the point this week.



So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Brave scores 3 points, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World scores 2 and 1/2 points, and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter scores 1 and 1/2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you fell in love with Elizabeth Swann, feel free to watch Seeking a Friend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Brave is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: The writer of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter has also written one of my favorite books, “Pride & Prejudice & Zombies.”
Conclusion 3: When the Pride & Prejudice & Zombies movie comes out, I guarantee it’ll win the best movie of the week in my column.



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