This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for May 11, 2012
By Curt David
May 11, 2012
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Kramer vs. Kramer, The People vs. Larry Flint, and Freddy vs. Jason all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (five weeks until I can see Catherine Zeta-Jones on screen again!).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of May 11th, the only new movie in wide release is Dark Shadows. Since I have nothing to compare it to, I will share some of my favorite winners in the column categories over the past three years.
| Dark Shadows | Favorite winners over the past three years. | WINNER
(1 point per category) | |
| CLEAREST TITLE | Well, it’s the only title. Doesn’t sound like an uplifting movie. | These titles aren’t necessarily clear, but creative. I’ve enjoyed: Ninja Assassins, She’s Out of My League, and Hot Tub Time Machine. | Dark Shadows wins the point.
| |
BEST GENRE
& RATING | Comedy/Fantasy:
Rated PG-13 for comic horror violence, sexual content, some drug use, language, and smoking. | I love when this category gets some variety. (Dec. 23, 2011, five different movies, five different genres). | Clearly, Dark Shadows wins another point. | |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | "Strange is relative"
4/5 Funny, cause that adjective has different meanings for different people, and Johnny Depp is a strange relative. | From Paris with Love, “Two Agents, One City, No Merci.” | I don’t know why I’m writing so much this week - Dark Shadows wins another point.
| |
| Best Part of Trailer | Definitely seems Tim Burton unique | The five best trailers were Avatar, The Blind Side, Invention of Lying, Easy A, and Salt. | Dark Shadows winsl;kdaoiatpoint.
| |
| COOLEST LEAD ACTOR | Johnny Depp from Edward Scissorhands, Alice in Wonderland, and Pirates of the Caribbean. | Catherine Zeta-Jones is always the best actor. | Blah, Blah, point.
| |
| BEST CAST | Michelle Pfeiffer (Batman Returns), Helena Bonham Carter (Harry Potter), and Chloe Grace Moretz (Hugo) | Impressed with the cast list for Expendables and He’s Just Not That Into You. | point. | |
BEST STREET CRED
FOR THE PRODUCTION | Director Tim Burton has also directed Alice in Wonderland, Batman Returns, Edward Scissorhands, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. | J.J. Abrams is one of many people on my best street cred list. He’s one of those, if you touch a project in some way, I’ll see it. | p-
| |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Dark Shadows clearly scores all 7 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you missed The Avengers last week, feel free to watch it this week . However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Dark Shadows is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Dec. 23, 2011: The Adventure of Tintin (Action/Animation), The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Thriller), We Bought a Horse (Family), War Horse (Drama), and The Darkest Hour (Sci-fi)
Conclusion 3: Last week, I stated I wasn’t going to see The Avengers in theaters due to a lack of interest. But now I can’t get the positive buzz out of my head. I think I’m going to succumb and see it.
Conclusion 4: Yeah, I am. I’m going tonight.
Print this column
