This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for May 4-6, 2012
By Curt David
May 4, 2012
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Planet Terror, Planet 51, and Planet of the Apes all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (six weeks until I can see Catherine Zeta-Jones on screen again!).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of May 4th, the only new movie in wide release is The Avengers. Since I have nothing to compare it to, I will share seven deep confessions of mine and hope I don't get fired from the staff of BOP.
| The Avengers | My Confessions | WINNER
(1 point per category) |
Clearest Title | Sounds like a Marvel Comics superhero team. | Confession #1: I think getting all the X-Men characters together in a movie is much cooler than getting all the Avengers together. | The Avengers get a point (but my heart gives the point to Rogue) |
Best Genre and Rating | Sci-fi action:
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action throughout, and a mild drug reference | Confession #2: I think Samuel L. Jackson swears too much. | But apparently he doesn't that much in this PG-13 movie. Point for the Avengers |
Cleverest Tagline (out of 5 stars) | "Some Assembly Required."
4/5 Haha, because this movie focuses on some difficulty on getting the team together | Confession #3: I have not seen any of the prequels to this movie (Thor, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, The Hulk, The Hulk 2, Captain America). | Point for the Avengers, which has equally good alternate taglines ("Throw Down the Hammer" and "Every team needs a Captain.") |
Best Part of Trailer | Does seem epic | Confession #4: I'm not going to see this movie opening weekend. Maybe not even in theaters. | Another point for The Avengers. |
Coolest Lead Actor | Robert Downey Jr. from Iron Man, Sherlock Holmes, and Chaplin. | Confession #5: I've never seen Robert Downey Jr. in a movie. | But apparently people think he's cool. So point for him. |
Best Cast | Chris Evans (Captain America), Mark Ruffalo (13 Going on 30), Chris Hemsworth (Thor), Scarlett Johansson (Lost in Translation), Jeremy Renner (MI: Ghost Protocal), Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction) and Gwyneth Paltrow (Shakespeare in Love) | Confession #6: I think Scarlett Johansson is an amazing actress. For real. | She'll win the point for The Avengers this round. |
Best Street Cred For the Production | Writer and Director Joss Whedon has also written (and directed some) Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, Buffy, Firefly, Toy Story, and The Cabin in the Woods. | Confession #7: I saw the movie Step Up on its opening day in theaters. | Joss Whedon wins the final point for The Avengers. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Avengers, clearly, scores all 7 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you get to the movies late, feel free to watch another movie because The Avengers will be sold out. . However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, The Avengers is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Dear Reader of my column, please don't judge me. And please don't take away any credibility that I have earned from you.
Conclusion 3: Dear BOP, please don't fire me.