This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for March 9, 2012
By Curt David
March 9, 2012
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Old Dogs, Reservoir Dogs, Cats and Dogs, and Wag the Dog all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (two weeks until my book-crush The Hunger Games comes to theatrers!).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of March 9th, the new movies in wide release are John Carter, Silent House, and A Thousand Words.
| John Carter | Silent House | A Thousand Words | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | Either a biopic or a fictional adventure movie. | Probably a horror film, you can never trust silent houses. | This could be any genre in the world. | If you had to pick a movie based on the title, Silent House has the clearest one. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Action/Adventure:
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action.
| Horror:
Rated R for disturbing violent content and terror.
| Dramedy:
Rated PG-13 for sexual situations including dialogue, language, and some drug-related humor.
| My favorite weeks are the weeks with all different genres. Each movie gets a third of a point. |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | "Lost in our world. Found in another."
That tagline lost me
1/5
| "Experience 88 minutes of real fear captured in real time."
This isn't really a tagline, BUT the movie was shot in one continuous take!
6/5
| "He only has 1000 words left to discover what matters most."
Interesting.
4/5
| Not the first 6/5 given in this category, but a continuous take got me pretty excited. Point. |
| Best Part of Trailer | I love giant monster animal in arena fight scenes. | I didn't think horror movies could be unique anymore, but perhaps this one is. | It looks cute and smile inducing. Much better than I thought it would be. | Silent House and A Thousand Words split the point for the best trailer. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Taylor Kitsch from Friday Night Lights and Wolverine. | Elizabeth Olsen from Martha Marcy May Marlene. | Eddie Murphy from Beverly Hills Cop, The Nutty Professor, Shrek, and Dreamgirls. | Friday Night Lights is a great show, but I have to give the point to Eddie Murphy. |
| Best Cast | Willem Dafoe (Spiderman), Thomas Haden Church (Wings), Dominic West (The Wire), and Ciaran Hinds (from everything). | I didn't recognize anyone else in this cast. | Kerry Washington (Ray), Allisen Janney (The West Wing), and Jack McBrayer (30 Rock). | John Carter and Ciaran Hinds will win the point for this round. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Writer and Director Andrew Stanton has also written and directed Finding Nemo, A Bug's Life, and Wall-E. | Directors Laura Lau and Chris Kentis have also directed or produced Open Water and Grind. | Director Brian Robbins has also directed Norbit, The Shaggy Dog, and Varsity Blues. | A masterful Pixar artist directs live action...something I automatically have trust in! Point. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Silent House scores 2 and 5/6 points, John Carter scores 2 and 1/3 points, and A Thousand Words scores 1 and 5/6 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like special effects in 3D, feel free to watch John Carter However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Silent House is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: John Carter is based on books by Edgar Rice Burroughs, who also created the character Tarzan.
Conclusion 3: Seriously, this is the tenth time I have typed the name Ciaran Hinds in this column in the past year. (John Carter, A Woman in Black, Ghost Rider 2, Tinker Tailer Soldier Spy, Harry Potter 7B, The Rite and The Debt.) Or seven times, doesn't matter, I don't know what he looks like, but he's my new favorite actor.
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