This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison of the new releases for March 2, 2012

By Curt David

March 2, 2012

Nice soup strainer

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Toy Story, Babes in Toyland, and Guys and Dolls all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (three weeks until my book-crush The Hunger Games comes to theaters!).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of March 2nd, the new movies in wide release are Dr. Seuss's The Lorax and Project X.

The Lorax Project X WINNER (1 point per category)
Clearest TitleI love this Dr. Seuss story! I've never heard of Project X. The title that is the clearest is not Project J, R, or goes to the environmentally friendly The Lorax!
Best Genre
and Rating
Animation: Rated PG for brief mild language. Comedy: Rated R for crude and sexual content throughout, nudity, drugs, drinking, pervasive language, reckless behavior, and mayhem - all involving teens. Do you like movies promoting teenage mayhem? I do not like them Sam-I-Am. (Lorax wins the point and some green ham).
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)

That's a shame.

"Witness it."

Yes, let's all give money to witness this cinematic masterpiece.

While you may win this point, it's by default. Oh Lorax, you do know this is all your fault!
Best Part of TrailerCreators of Despicable Me meets Dr. Seuss = genius. Oh wow, it wasn't awful. I thought it was a documentary, but it was clearly a comedy with actors. I liked the Project X trailer better than I thought, so here is my apology letter. However, sorry to say, The Lorax trailer was even better!
Coolest Lead ActorThe voice of Zac Efron (from 17 Again and High School Musical) Mostly new actors. I looked up, I looked down, I looked all around, but there were no famous actors to be found. (So point for Zac)
Best CastThe voices of Taylor Swift, Betty White, Ed Helms, Danny DeVito Still mostly new actors. My girl's in this movie, she's my boo. Who is not Taylor Swift, although I like her too.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Directors Chris Renaud and Kyle Balda also directed and animated Despicable Me. Writer Michael Bacall also wrote Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Scott Pilgrim was great, don't you agree? I also very much enjoyed Despicable Me. (Half point each!)

So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Lorax scores 5 and 1/2 points and Project X scores 1 and a half points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you laugh at drunk people tasering each other, feel free to watch Project X. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Lorax is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: My one friend named Xylem had the whole book The Lorax memorized, which was the coolest feat of awesomeness I ever did see displayed.
Conclusion 3: Dr. Seuss's real name was Theodore Seuss Geisel and his German family pronounced "Seuss" like a rhyme of the word voice (Soice).




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