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Friday 12/16/11

10:10 PM The Movie Channel
Ghost Machine (2010 GB): An evil spirit inhabits some military hardware in this silly but watchable British-made horror flick. Sean Faris plays Tom, a software engineer who’s developed a nifty new line in battlefield simulators. Being young and foolish, Tom decides to have some fun and games with his new-fangled machine, and with an assist from pal Vic (Luke Ford) sets it up for some war games in a haunted prison (Northern Ireland’s Crumlin Road Gaol, masquerading as a Massachusetts poky). Good choice, fellas. There are much worse time killers than Ghost Machine, which blends elements of Session 9 and (surprise! surprise!) Ghost in the Machine. Also airs 12/17 at 1:10 AM.

11:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Heavenly Bodies (1985 CAN): Feathered hair: check. Members Only-style jackets: check. Bad synth music: check. Yep, this is an '80s movie...and if you had any remaining doubts, they should be put to rest as soon as you scope out the acres and acres of spandex and legwarmers on display. This is, after all, a romantic drama about a dance-ercize studio threatened by a larger and less scrupulous rival. It’s terrible, but makes its widescreen television debut tonight - and you’ll want to tune in for the soundtrack, which includes songs by The Tubes, The Dazz Band, and Dwight Twilley. Dwight Twilley...boy, there’s a guy I haven’t thought about since, oh, 1985 or thereabouts.

Saturday 12/17/11

9:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
The Lion Hunters (1951 USA): Guess who’s visiting the jungle in Bomba pic number five? Some lion hunters? Good guess! It’s up to Bomba, of course, to put the kibosh on their poaching ways and save the big cats from a fate worse than death: being stuffed and mounted in someone’s living room. Look for Woody Strode in one of the first of many "African native" roles he would essay over the next decade.

Monday 12/19/11

7:50 PM More Max
Cabin Fever (1989 USA): Not to be confused with the Eli Roth horror flick of the same name, this Cabin Fever stars Louis Zorich as Louie, a motel owner who’s hooked up his rooms with video equipment in order to record his patrons doing the nasty. He gets more than he bargained for, however, when his prying mechanical eye records a murder - and when the killers discover he has proof of their crime, no amount of free color TV and magic fingers will convince them not to kill him, too. Maybe a complimentary continental breakfast will do the trick?

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