Top Chef: Texas Recap (Part One)

By David Mumpower

November 3, 2011

They don't look very...Texan.

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The chefs are asked to introduce themselves, which leads to a lot of pedigrees mentioned, awards, discussed, and insecurities created. Someone named Sarah Grueneberg is particularly impressed by others, but she has the same hair and no sign of tears during her camera time afterward. In fact, she comes across as remarkably poised. Grayson Schmitz, on the other hand, has her hair tied back and seems quite composed during the introductions. During the monologue afterward, she is dressed up, her hair has been done well and she has clearly been crying. We are worried about the prospects of Grayson Schmitz. But at least she doesn’t have creepy beaver teeth or the world’s curliest Mohawk.

Group A’s challenge involves a pig that has been broken down to its primal cuts. As Emeril states, there is a cut of meat for each of the ten participants. A negotiation session ensues wherein people negotiate for various cuts. Grayson describes her thought process that pork tenderloin would be the quickest to prepare, which seems like strong decision making in the face of chaotic circumstances. One of the chefs realizes that the meats still require butchering. Tyler the Strange volunteers to perform this task with his logic being that even though he doesn’t do this as a rule, he can still handle the assignment better than anyone else, through the process of osmosis, we guess. Tyler is working waaaaaay too hard to come across as impressive.

Grayson details her process in preparing other foods while a complete stranger determines her fate by butchering her protein. She had been so decisive earlier that we are caught off guard by this sudden turn into passiveness. Then again, the environment is so chaotic and the surprise of 29 chefs competing rather than 16 probably has almost everyone reacting more than planning. In this manner, the elimination round from 29 to 16 is a brilliant way to determine pure cooking talent. Everything we will see today is reflexive.




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Perhaps no chef involved in Group A is in a stranger situation than Colin Patterson, a 37-year-old Seattle chef who has cooked solely vegan food for the past 10 years. We think it was naïve of him to believe that he could go without cooking meat for the body of the competition. If he did not practice this after he found out he was cast on the show, he deserves elimination. That’s poor planning, pure and simple. He seems like a very nice man, though.

Team CJ looks like the winner when Chris Jones politely shoves Colin aside and begins to demonstrate marvelous butchering skill. Conversely, Tyler approaches his cut of meat with a saw the same way that a gorilla would play a violin. Heavily tattooed Simon Pantet, who strikes us as a fascinating contestant thus far due to his outsider style and lack of formal training, is seething about the fact that Tyler took the pork chop Simon wanted. Watching Tyler butcher it in the figurative sense while trying to butcher it in the literal sense is driving him crazy. And he is not the only one.


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