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2) Clown Without Pity (Treehouse of Horror III)

In compiling my list, there were a couple of surprises along the way. As someone who fervently believes that The Simpsons is as good as ever these days (my favorite episode is from season 13 rather than one of the first eight as is the case with most of its fans), I fully expected a better showing from recent Treehouse of Horror episodes. In reality, I like several of them but the only ones that merited strong consideration for this list are season 22’s Tweenlight and season 11’s Night of the Dolphin. Everything else on my short list was from the first ten episodes.

The one thing I knew going in would be the order of my top three. Each of them is clearly established in my personal pecking order. Citizen Kang deserves a place at the top for its subtle malevolence. The title that is my favor wins that honor because it is the funniest. Second place goes to the one that is the most quotable. You know where I’m going with this. Everyone knows about THE quote from Treehouse of Horror. Forgetful father Homer has to make an emergency gift purchase and he makes a run of the mill boneheaded decision. His store of choice deals in “forbidden objects from places men fear to tread,” which sounds like the sort of business model that even Blockbuster and Borders executives see as flawed. Alas, Homer is too desperate to be discouraged by common sense, presuming he has any. And that leads to this exchange, arguably the best in the history of the show:

Owner: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Ooooh, that's bad.
Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good.
Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Owner: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: That's good.
Owner: The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate.
Homer: *blank stare*
Owner: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

If comedy has a mecca, these words will be inscribed in concrete in the foundation. They have become seminal in the realm of pop culture, quoted so often that if Fox received a penny for each usage, they may finally give the voice actors of the show a share of the revenue. But they probably wouldn’t anyway.

Oddly enough, as much as I love the above, it is not the quote that I love the most from the episode. There is a moment in Clown Without Pity that had a hand in defining my sense of humor. That joke is, “Marge, the doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!” It is the perfect prototype for demonstrating when not to leave well enough alone. People had believed Homer was off his rocker when he said the doll was out to get him but once it attacks him in front of his wife, she believes him. For most writers, that would be enough but people working for The Simpsons are expected to do more. And so that extra bit is added where Homer is feuding with not one but two inanimate objects. That is what makes it great. There is no joke I have quoted more in my life than “Marge, the doll’s trying to kill me and the toaster’s been laughing at me!” I view it as the perfect joke.

1) I Know What You Diddily-Iddily-Did (Treehouse of Horror X)

This is probably not the segment you expected any of us to select as our favorite. I understand and accept this, but it is far and away the overall funniest few minutes Treehouse of Horror has yet produced. Unlike almost everything else in my top ten, this is a spoof of an actual horror film, a bunch of them, really. Back in the 1990s, when we were all so young and impressionable, there was a brief two year period where we were led to believe that Jennifer Love-Hewitt could be a movie star. In the aftermath of Scream, teen horror was back in after an unusually long period of unpopularity. Only two years and two weeks after the release of I Know What You Did Last Summer, The Simpsons lampooned it with another clever usage of Springfield’s man of God, Ned Flanders. Apparently on sabbatical from his job as ruler of Hell, Flanders was speed walking his way through the night when Marge Simpson ran him over. As Bart pointed out, nobody would believe that a Simpson accidentally killed a Flanders…even he had his doubts.

From that moment on, The Simpsons embarked upon a cover-up. This attempt at subterfuge went about as well as one would expect. First, they pretended to be happy at the funeral because appearing otherwise would seem suspicious. Then, Homer eulogized his friend (?) Ned with the following:

Homer: When I think about Ned, I can't help but remember the look on his face when Marge drove over…
Marge: Homer, shut up, shut up, shut up!
Homer: Oh, wait. What I'd like to say is, we're still looking for the real killers. Anyway in conclusion, a man cannot be forced to testify against his wife. *winks to his family*
Marge: Stop winking!

I am laughing as I transcribe it. The whole thing is so marvelously over the top and hilarious. And the next scene is every bit as funny as Homer embarks upon an attempt to make Ned’s death look like a suicide. What becomes clear is that Homer simply isn’t that competent in any number of ways. But the real payoff doesn’t come until the end of the segment. At that point, we realize that Marge’s hit-and-run accident was a kill or be killed scenario, even if she hadn’t realized it.

While other segments are much more established and more pervasive in the zeitgeist, I watch The Simpsons to laugh. No Treehouse of Horror segment makes me laugher harder than I Know What You Diddily-Iddily-Did. And I leave you with one final quote from it:

“Okay, Marge, you hide in the abandoned amusement park; Lisa, the pet cemetery; Bart, spooky roller disco; And I'll go skinny-dipping in that lake where the sexy teens were killed a hundred years ago tonight.”

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