Monday Morning Quarterback Part II

By BOP Staff

August 23, 2011

This is what 'goodwill' looks like.

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He looks good in a loincloth, though.

Kim Hollis: The remake of Conan the Barbarian opened to a modest $10 million despite the film being a 3D release. What do you think of this result?

Bruce Hall: Certainly not what is best in life. This is a relatively expensive film that almost certainly was meant to be the first of several. An embarrassing fourth place finish - behind Spy Kids, a three week old movie about monkeys and a period drama with an all female cast - no doubt displeases the mighty Crom. Not only this, but earning a puny $10 million against a $90 million budget opening weekend - THAT is what grieves us the most. Conan has failed in what should have been the simplest of tasks. Let him contemplate this on the Tree of Woe.

Brett Beach: And here is the film hurt the most this weekend by having a very expensive budget. I have never understood the draw of the character, saw both Schwarzenegger-era Conans once or twice as a kid, and wasn't all that impressed. To have given a $90 million budget to this seems highly questionable given the relative lack of sword and spectacle blockbusters, and releasing it in 3D just has desperation bloodsplattered all over it. This on the heels of the one-day wonder that was 2009's Friday the 13th and the bomb Pathfinder suggests to me that director Marcus Nispel might want to find different genres that aren't reboots.




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Shalimar Sahota: Well this one's not really a remake, but given the name I guess one can't help but compare it to those Schwarzenegger movies. Having seen it, some of it is close to straight-to-video quality. Fighting and bloodshed at regular intervals isn't really a bad thing, but most of the time it's just nameless victims we don't really care for and I ended up feeling desensitised to it half way through. It doesn't really feel like anything is at stake here. Amid the horrible reviews and a 3D conversion that doesn't really add anything, Jason Momoa is probably the best thing about it, but after this weekend he may end up having second thoughts on that sequel he's scripted.

Reagen Sulewski: This throttles the franchise in its cradle, unless international box office comes in huge. I had looked at this as a potential swords-n-sorcery version of the Resident Evil franchise, chugging along on $60 million domestic takes that covered the budget and capitalizing on overseas numbers to makes its profits. I don't see how you justify a sequel based on this opening *and* the fact that virtually no one is championing it as even a particularly good film.

Max Braden: There was just utterly nothing compelling about the trailer. "We're remaking Conan, but with an actor much smaller than Schwarzenegger" is shooting yourself in the foot right from the start. Also, he's a no-name actor. Also, there's no plot. Also, there's no spectacle. As lousy looking as they were, The Scorpion King and Prince of Persia at least offered one of those things for the audience to latch on to. "But it's in 3D!" just isn't going to cut it.


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