This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for August 5, 2011
By Curt David
August 5, 2011
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, The One, se7en, 9 to 5, 21, 300, and 1984 all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (which is why I am going to the theaters this week: Freida Pinto!).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of August 5th, the movies in wide release are The Change-Up and Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
| | The Change-Up | Rise of the Planet of the Apes | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | A baseball movie? A romantic comedy? I can't tell from this title. | A prequel to the sci-fi film Planet of the Apes? Probably. | Rise of the Planet of the Apes gets the point. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Comedy
Rated R for pervasive crude sexual content and language, some graphic nudity, and drug use.
| Sci-Fi
Rated PG-13 for violence, terror, some sexuality, and brief strong language.
| There have already been too many R-rated comedies this year. (Plus, this one sounds like it's part-porno.) I'd rather give another point to the movie with fighting apes. |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | "Who says men can't change?"
I almost missed the pun. It's a real question regarding character traits PLUS in this movie their minds change bodies.
3/5
| "Evolution ends. Revolution begins."
Kindof clever, but not that catchy.
1/5
| The Change-up, changes up this scoring contest. It gets its first point compared to the monkeys' two. |
| Best Part of Trailer | It wasn't funny, but it wasn't boring either. | It looks cool- story of how apes take over the world. | I don't know how RiseOTPOTA could possibly have a nice ending, but at least the trailer is awesome. Three points Apes- only one more point needed to win. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Ryan Reynolds from The Proposal, Green Lantern, and my favorite: Just Friends. | James Franco from 127 Hours, Freaks and Geeks, and my favorite: The Spider-Man Trilogy. | Close contest. But Ryan Reynolds is the hotter actor right now (hmm, that came out wrong). Brings The Change-Up total to 2 points. |
| Best Cast | Jason Bateman (Horrible Bosses), Leslie Mann (17 Again), and Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine). | Freida Pinto (Slumdog Millionaire), John Lithgow (3rd Rock from the Sun), Brian Cox (X2), Andy Serkis (Lord of the Rings), and Tom Felton (aka Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter) | I decided I was going to marry Freida Pinto when I saw Slumdog Millionaire. She wins the round and the column for ROTPOTA. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Director David Dobkin also directed Wedding Crashers and Shanghai Knights. | Director Ruper Wyatt also directed a film called The Escapist. | David Dobkin wins this round for previously directing big-budget comedies. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Rise of the Planet of the Apes scores 4 points and The Change-Up scores 3 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you watched No Stings Attached, The Hangover 2, Bridesmaids, Friends with Benefits, Bad Teacher, and Horrible Bosses already this year, feel free to watch The Change-Up. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Rise of the Planet of the Apes is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: "More in demand actor" may have been a better phrase than "hotter actor."
Conclusion 3: Dear Catherine Zeta-Jones, despite my love for Freida Pinto, you'll always be first in my book.
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