This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for July 29, 2011
By Curt David
July 29, 2011
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Brokeback Mountain, The Hills have Eyes, and Cliffhanger all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (One more week until my Slumdog Millionaire crush Freida Pinto returns to the big screen!!!).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of July 29th, the movies in wide release are Cowboys and Aliens, Crazy Stupid Love, and The Smurfs.
| Cowboys and Aliens | Crazy, Stupid, Love | The Smurfs | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | Whoa. This may be one of the best titles of all time. | Probably a Romantic Comedy, but I like how it calls love "crazy and stupid". | No...the smurfs? really? | While it pains me not to reward Cowboys and Aliens with the point, the most recognizable title is The Smurfs. Point. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Sci-fi Western:
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of western and sci-fi action and violence, some partial nudity, and a brief crude reference.
| Romantic Comedy:
Rated PG-13 for coarse humor, sexual content, and language.
| Animation:
Rated PG for some mild rude humor and action.
| Oh yeah, that feels good. I've waited my whole life to type the genre "Sci-fi Western" into this column. Point. |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | N/A
This movie don't need no tagline! Its title is Cowboys and Aliens, baby!
5/5
| "This is Crazy. This is Stupid. This is Love."
These were actually three different taglines for this movie.
1/5
| "Smurf Happens."
Haha. Funny.
4/5
| Cowboys and Aliens. Not quite a tagline, but brilliant enough for a point in this column. |
| Best Part of Trailer | I may have been expecting a life-changing trailer from that title...it looked decent and action-y. | Something for everybody. Emma Stone's perfectness. Ryan Gosling's abs. | It was the best trailer I have ever seen that mixes humans with animation! (compared to Yogi Bear, Hop, etc.) | I wish I could give Cowboys and Aliens the point, but I was more interested in the story of Crazy, Stupid, Love. Point. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Daniel Craig from Casino Royale. | Steve Carell from The Office, Get Smart, and The 40-Year-Old Virgin. | Neil Patrick Harris from How I Met Your Mother and Doogie Howser. | Wow. James Bond. Michael Scott. Doogie Howser. All three actors will split the point. |
| Best Cast | Harrison Ford (Star Wars and Indiana Jones) | Ryan Gosling (Young Hercules), Julianne Moore (The Hours), Marisa Tomei (My Cousin Vinny), Kevin Bacon (Apollo 13), Emma Stone (Easy A), and a cameo by Josh Groban. | Hank Azaria (Mad About You), Sofia Vergara (Modern Family), and the voices of Katy Perry, Alan Cumming, George Lopez, and Jeff Foxworthy | The Smurfs have an impressive cast. Harrison Ford is impressive by himself. But the Best Cast point has to go to Crazy, Stupid, Love. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Director Jon Favreau also directed Elf and Iron Man, and he's an actor. | Directors Glenn Ficarra and John Requa also directed I Love You, Phillip Morris. | Director Raja Gosnell also directed Big Momma's House and Scooby-Doo. | Jon Favreau has the most street cred this week. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Cowboys and Aliens score 3 and 1/3 points, Crazy Stupid Love scores 2 and 1/3 points, and The Smurfs score 1 and 1/3 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to watch a children's film that might actually be more than tolerable, feel free to watch The Smurfs. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Cowboys and Aliens is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: However, I think I'm going to see Crazy, Stupid, Love instead.
Conclusion 3: I love Emma Stone with my whole heart, mind, and soul. But......does anyone else think she and Chris Colfer from Glee look exactly alike?
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