This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for July 15, 2011
By Curt David
July 15, 2011
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Bugsy, A Bug's Life, and The Love Bug are not part of a trilogy). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (HERMIONE GRANGER RETURNS THIS WEEK!! And my new man-crush Daniel Radcliffe does too...read how that crush developed in the chart below...).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of July 15th, the movies in wide release are Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 and Winnie the Pooh.
| Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 | Winnie the Pooh | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | So I usually go to a variety of entertainment websites to look at the ratings, taglines, and trailers of each of the new releases this week. But I have gone the past several years without reading the books and I don't know what happens in the final movie. I plan to read the books after watching the last movie. Until then, I refuse to do any research on this Harry Potter movie, instead, I'll tell you about how I fell in love with Daniel Radcliffe...in a heterosexual way. | Movie based upon one of the most beloved characters of all time (until Harry Potter came along). | Point for Harry Potter. |
Best Genre
and Rating | I refuse to look up the genre and rating- probably fantasy action and PG-13? So last weekend I went up to New York City with some friends and we ended up getting tickets to the Broadway show How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, starring none other than Daniel Radcliffe (and John Larroquette from Night Court). And dang, Danny was really good. He had an American accent, he sang great and belted out long notes, and he acted and danced like it was nobody's business. He earned mad props in my book. | Animation
Rated G for all audiences.
| Point for Harry Potter. |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | So my friend Amanda and I decided to get D-Rad's autograph. After the last song in the show, Amanda and I literally ran out of the theater to stand by the stage door to get his autograph when he left the theater. There were bouncers everywhere- not letting people by the stage door who weren't coming from inside the theater. We got in the front row behind the waist-high fence. In a matter of minutes, there were 50 people smooshed in behind us and that's when I realized I was about to take part of my first frenzied mob. | "Oh Pooh."
Cute.
3/5
| Point for Harry Potter. |
| Best Part of Trailer | (I also refuse to watch the trailer) John Larroquette came out of the theater first and everybody started pushing forward, despite there being no 'forward' to go. One lady shouted out, "Stop pushing me!," to which John Larroquette replied, "Yes, everyone stop pushing, this isn't a WHO concert." He did a really nice job of taking time to sign every single playbill he could. I was also proud of myself, since I did not budge and let any of the teenage girls get in front of me. They were definitely starting to go a little crazy waiting for D-Rad to come out. And then the door opened... | Awww, it looks nostalgic and really good. | Point for Harry Potter. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Immediately everyone started shouting for D-Rad to sign their books. Some bouncers kept shouting, "If you don't calm down, he'll go back inside." After stepping outside, D-Rad came right over to me and signed my playbill first! That in itself felt awesome, like a nice way for us to start our friendship. It took him longer to sign his name than I thought. He handed my Playbill back to me and then we had our first conversation... | Winnie the Pooh. | Point for Harry Potter |
| Best Cast | I said "Thank you." And then, D-Rad in a quite pleasant and polite sounding British accent, looked me in the eyes, and said, "You're welcome." First, I was completely star-struck. Daniel Radcliffe just signed my playbill and talked to me! It was surreal. But then my next thought came quickly to my mind. I was getting extremely claustrophobic and was also shocked at the crowd's blatant disregard for my personal space. I took some pictures of D-Rad signing Amanda's Playbill and then I got out of there. | Christopher Robin, Owl, Piglet, Rabbit, Eeyore, and Tigger. | Point for Harry Potter. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | And that is the story of how I developed a man-crush on Daniel Radcliffe, a talented performer and all-around nice guy. | Despite not winning any points this column, Winnie the Pooh does have some respectable street-cred. | Point for Harry Potter. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, I assume that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 wins all seven points!
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are a little kid (or an adult with a big heart) or if Harry Potter is sold out this weekend, feel free to watch Winnie the Pooh. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I honestly didn't look up anything in regards to Harry Potter for this column. I'm also not reading any news this week. I don't know if Harry Potter lives or dies by the end of this movie, and I'm sure not going to find out before personally watching the movie. In fact, I'm going to go and buy my tickets right now...
Conclusion 3: WHAT THE POOH?!?!??! The tickets are all sold out in my local theater for opening night!!!?! And I wrote this column a week before opening day!!!!! D-RAD! If you're reading this, can you hook a brother up with some movie passes please??? Or if you just want to hang out and go mini-golfing or something, that's fine too.
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