This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for July 8, 2011
By Curt David
July 8, 2011
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Twister, The Hurricane, and Disaster Movie are all different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My crush Hermione Granger returns to the screen in one week!!!).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of July 8th, the movies in wide release are Horrible Bosses and Zookeeper.
| Horrible Bosses | Zookeeper | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | This sounds like an adult comedy, cause kids don't have bosses and dramas aren't usually called "Horrible Bosses." | This movie sounds like a kids movie, cause there are going to be animals in it. | Neither title stands out as affecting someone's movie choice, so they'll split the point. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Comedy
Rated R for crude and sexual content, pervasive language, and some drug material.
| Comedy
Rated PG for some rude and suggestive humor, and language.
| While I was right about the genres, they are both comedies, so they'll split the point yet again. |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | Psycho. Maneater. Tool.
Those words work beside pictures of Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, and Colin Farrell.
3/5
| "Welcome to his jungle."
Meh. It sounds like a pun, but it's not really.
1/5
| And now we have a competition! Horrible Bosses wins the point. (so, 2 points Bosses to 1 point Zookeeper). |
| Best Part of Trailer | It makes you root for three guys to kill their bosses. I also laughed during the second half of the trailer. | I laughed throughout the whole trailer. | Feel free to take away my adult-card, but I liked the Zookeeper trailer better (so, 2 points Bosses to 2 points Zookeeper). |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Jason Bateman from Juno and Arrested Development. | Kevin James from Hitch and Paul Blart: Mall Cop. | Kevin James is a bigger sell to get people to the theaters, point. (2 points Bosses to 3 points Zookeeper). |
| Best Cast | Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, Jason Sudeikis (SNL), Colin Farrell (Phone Booth), Jamie Foxx (Ray), plus cameos from Donald Sutherland, Ioan Gruffud, and Bob Newhart! | Rosario Dawson (Sin City), Ken Jeong (Hangover) and Donnie Wahlberg (New Kids on the Block). | Horrible Bosses comes back in a big way. Easily wins the point. (shoot, 3 points Bosses to 3 points Zookeeper). |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Director Seth Gordon has also directed Four Christmases and a slew of TV comedies (episodes of Modern Family, The Office, etc.). | Director Frank Coraci has also directed Click, The Waterboy, and The Wedding Singer. | Seth Gordon is off to a fine start, but you can't compete with three Adam Sandler movies. Point for Zookeeper. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Zookeeper scores 4 points and Horrible Bosses scores 3 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you think Jennifer Aniston is drop dead gorgeous, feel free to watch Horrible Bosses. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, the best movie to watch this weekend is Zookeeper.
Conclusion 2: I don't care if people think a cheesy talking animal movie is a bad choice, I like the premise of a bunch of talking zoo animals helping Kevin James fall in love.
Conclusion 3: But does it really matter anyway? THE FINAL HARRY POTTER MOVIE COMES OUT NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Print this column
