Movie Vs. Movie: Green Lantern Vs. Green Hornet

By Tom Houseman

June 23, 2011

Their yellow bullets assure victory.

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I can't believe Christoph Waltz is losing this point, but he really can't compete with Peter Sarsgaard. Plus, as I've already established, I'm predisposed to award points to supervillains with actual super powers. Point to Lantern.

Love Interest

Lenore Case plays the part of Britt Reid's love interest, and Cameron Diaz plays the part of Lenore Case. Is that meta? I think it is (No, it's really not. -Ed

The object of Hal Jordan's affections is Carol Farris, a coworker of Hal's who is trying to make him grow up and accept responsibility for his life. Meanwhile, she is being pushed out of the cockpit and into a cushy desk job by (say it with me now) her father. Gossip Girl tries her hardest to act like a grownup, but she always feels out of her depth next to her costars. Still, the fact that she doesn't just swoon into Hal's arms, but actually calls him on his shit, makes her pretty badass.

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Cameron Diaz makes a disappointing number of bad movies considering how hilarious she is. Blake Lively makes a disappointing number of movies considering how untalented she is. Lenore Case wins this one for the Hornet.


Alfred

In the history of Alfreds, there may be only one Alfred who is more badass than the actual Alfred, and that's Kato. The modern Tonto, Kato is a weapons expert and mechanic extraordinaire who can also fight like a mofo and make great cappuccinos. Being that amazing might come off as annoying, but Kato is so chill and unassuming about it that it just makes him seem even more awesome. The only drawback to him being so great is that I couldn't figure out why he was the sidekick and not the hero. Seriously, Britt Reid is such a waste of space that all he did was get in Kato's way. Jay Chou doesn't have much acting experience, but some of his facial expressions were hilarious. The dude has some comedic chops.

There isn't really an Alfred in Lantern, just a friend who's apparently an eskimo (so says Wikipedia) and Sinestro, the head of the Green Lantern Corps who tries to train Hal. Sinestro is a jerk, partially because Hal is replacing his mentor (even aliens have daddy issues!), and also with a name like Sinestro, how do you not expect him to become evil eventually? There's also a couple of other weird aliens (perhaps a redundant phrase) voiced by Geoffrey Rush and Michael Clarke Duncan, who help train Hal, but they're just there to... um, gimme a minute. I'll figure it out.

“Yo, Sinestro, Ima let you finish, but Kato is one of the best Alfred's of all time! All time!” Hornet dominates this round.


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