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There are so many things in the world that I never knew I didn't want to see, ever... And just one of them is Shia LaBeouf (urgh) playing an Eastern European (huh?) hunchback (wuh?!), yet New York, I Love You destroyed the Paradise that was a world in which I didn't know such a thing existed by actually including a short film based solely around that concept. Despite also starring Julie Christie and John Hurt, who should be able to balance out the presence of LaBeouf and his infinitely punchable face, the short is a crushing bore, and probably represents the nadir of the entire project, which is really saying something. Christie plays a famous actress who moves into a lavish hotel which only seems to employ a bellhop (Hurt), and a porter (LaBeouf), with whom she strikes up a friendship. They then proceed to have a series of increasingly tedious conversations about the nature of love whilst the audience sits in stunned paralysis, unable to look away as the horror onscreen unfolds. The short was one of the last works written by Anthony Minghella, who died as a result of complications from surgery before he had a chance to film it. Considering that the story ends with LaBeouf's character throwing himelf off the balcony of the hotel (gasp!) only for us to discover that, drumroll, he was dead all along (TWIST!), it might not be too much of a leap to assume that he wrote the script whilst he was dying on the operating table. You'd have to be suffering from severe blood loss to believe that isn't a godawful ending.
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Friday, March 29, 2024 © 2024 Box Office Prophets, a division of One Of Us, Inc. |