This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for May 13, 2011
By Curt David
May 13, 2011
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, The Princess Bride, Corpse Bride, Father of the Bride, and Bride of Chucky all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My crush Hermione Granger returns to the screen in nine weeks!!).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of May 13th, the movies in wide release are Bridesmaids and Priest.
|Bridesmaids||Priest||Winner (1 point per category)|
|Clearest Title||This movie is most likely a comedy featuring bridesmaids with different personalities. ||This movie is most likely a horror movie, because why else would you want to watch a movie called "Priest."||Both titles fall underneath the category of "Things found at a Wedding," so they'll split the point. |
Rated R for some strong sexuality, and language throughout. ||Action/Horror:
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, disturbing images and brief strong language. ||Did I call these genres or did I call these genres? I don't have a preference, though, so our films are going to split the point again. |
(out of 5 stars)
|"Save the Date. May 2011"
2/5 Normally this wouldn't count as a tagline, but the movie is about a wedding, so that's pretty clever. ||"The war is eternal. His mission is just the beginning."
I have no clue what that means. Seriously, this doesn't get me to want to see this film.
1/5 ||The point for this round just sent in its RSVP... Bridesmaids won. |
|Best Part of Trailer||I don't know how extremely funny this movie will be, but it looks like a good movie (and not a dud). ||Extended attacking vampire scene was wonderful. Also liked the should-have-been tagline, "Even good has a dark side." ||Despite the TV trailers not doing it for me, both movies' longer trailers were better. I declare Priest the winner of the round. |
|Coolest Lead Actor||Kristen Wiig from Saturday Night Live ||Paul Bettany from A Beautiful Mind and The Da Vinci Code. ||Kristen Wiig is the best cast member on SNL right now (she is, don't argue), and will take this point down the aisle. |
|Best Cast||Maya Rudolph (SNL), Wendi McLendon-Covey (Reno 911), Ellie Kemper (The Office), Melissa McCarthy (Gilmore Girls), and Jon Hamm (Mad Men). ||Cam Gigandet (Easy A), Maggie Q (Rush Hour 2), and Christopher Plummer (The Sound of Music) ||Captain Von Trapp made this a tough decision, but Bridesmaids is going to catch the point. |
|Best Street Cred|
For the Production
|Written by Kristen Wiig and directed by Paul Feig, who has also directed Nurse Jackie, The Office, and Freaks and Geeks. ||Based on a graphic novel series and direted by Scott Charles Stewart, who also directed Legion. ||Hmm, I think both movies are in respectable hands, but no one sticks out as having the better street cred. I now pronounce this point a tie. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Bridesmaids scores 4 and 1/2 points and Priest scores 2 and 1/2 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like undead mutant vampire creatures in films, feel free to watch Priest this weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, the best movie to watch this weekend is Bridesmaids.
Conclusion 2: Reno 911 is a hilarious show and Wendi McLendon-Covey was one of my favorite characters.
Conclusion 3: I'm not going to the theaters for another three weeks...then X-Men First Class comes out!