2011 Calvin Awards: Worst Performance
February 16, 2011
Whenever you have a bounty of horrible, horrible films like we did this year, you're bound to have some truly dreadful performances – after all, half the reason some of our least favorite films were terrible were because of the people below. Remarkably, we've found an almost entirely new set of actors to dishonor, with seven of out our top ten being newbies to our scorn - and this in a year when Nic Cage had two movies out.
But in the midst of this turnover, there's some stability. Megan Fox's reign as the worst performer of the year stretches to two after topping the list for her talentless showing in Jonah Hex – wait, did I say talentless? Okay, I guess looking good in a corset is kind of a talent – which lifted any doubt in the minds of even her horniest fans that she was simply let down by the horribleness of the Transformers sequel's script. So lifeless and lacking emotion as the stock “hooker with a heart of gold” character, when Fox is struck by a couple of characters during the movie, you half expect to see sparks shoot out.
With two straight dominating results in this category (and with identical point totals and winning margins), Fox is in danger of us needing to Larroquette her out of this category. Then again, to win this award, you need to keep being cast in films that people will see. This is a problem which should end up being self-correcting.
While Gerard Butler is a relatively competent actor who's given some decent performances, it's not a shock that he'd eventually end up on our list here, taking second place for his performance in The Bounty Hunter. A mean-spirited performance, Butler seems to relying on his own perceived rugged-good-looks (a gamble, considering he's starting to look more and more like Tom Green) for audience good will. It's becoming clear that 300 wasn't just him stepping up for a loud role – he only knows how to act by yelling. Jennifer Aniston may be able to coast by on looks and past glory, but Gerard, you're creepy and you're really pushing it.
Speaking of which, third place brings us to Kim Cattrall in Sex and the City 2. While this movie officially flipped the switch on every character in this franchise from “eccentric and adorable” to “you should die in humiliating fashion”, none made that transformation more than Cattrall and her portrayal of Samantha aka “The Promiscuous One”. Reduced to shrieking her lines after one perceived injustice or another to her character, Cattrall came to embody everything that had gone wrong with this franchise which needed ever-desperate maneuvers to grab attention. Take the remaining scrap of your dignity and go home, Kim.
For some actors, bad acting is more noticeable when we have actual fine performances to point to in comparison. Johnny Depp is a perfect example, landing here in fourth place for Alice in Wonderland after many years on the other side of these awards. Portraying the Mad Hatter, Depp was reduced to a creepy moon-faced grin and giggling falsetto that personified the whole unsettling experience of the film. A rare misstep for Depp, it may finally be cause to start that intervention between him and Tim Burton.