This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for January 21, 2011
By Curt David
January 21, 2011
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, The Green Mile, 8 Mile, The Longest Yard, and Happy Feet all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My Top 5 crushes when I was 16 years old: #3: Elisabeth "Filarski" Hasselbeck from Survivor: Australian Outback).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of January 21st, the only movie in wide release is No Strings Attached (and The Way Back is released into some theaters). What to do for my column? I think I'll cast another movie that should be made.
| No Strings Attached | Beauty and the Beast (Live action/ 3D) | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | This title makes a reference to relationships. The movie is probably going to be a romantic comedy...or about puppets. | Clearly making a live action Beauty and the Beast is money in the bank for Disney. | Not the most famous title, but the only real title this weekend, No Strings Attached wins a point. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Romantic Comedy
Rated R for sexual content, language, and some drug material.
| Adventure
Rated PG for sequences of action, suspense, and furniture violence.
| The "Be Our Guest" song would rock in 3D. The real movie wins another point. |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | "Friendship has its benefits."
Nice tagline. Goes along nicely with the title and plot.
3/5 stars
| "The most beautiful love story ever told."
Its old tagline. I would suggest making something more boy-friendly and focus on the action.
5/5
| No Strings Attached has the complete opposite love story plot as compared to Beauty and the Beast, but it'll still get the point by default. |
| Best Part of Trailer | It's not a completely typical romantic comedy, in a good way. | You see Belle fight wolves with a club. That is the epitome of hotness. | Disney, why aren't you making this movie? It's perfect. Oh, and No Strings Attached wins the rest of the points in the column. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Natalie Portman from Star Wars, V for Vendetta, and Black Swan. | Belle will be played by Lea Michele of Glee fame. | She has a great voice, has the brown hair, is pretty...I think Lea would do a good job of bringing the best of the Disney Princesses to life. |
| Best Cast | Ashton Kutcher (That 70s Show), Kevin Kline (Dave), Cary Elwes (The Princess Bride), Ludacris (Crash), Mindy Kaling (The Office), | The Beast will be played by Curt David. Gaston will be played by Channing Tatum. The three blonde village girls will be played by Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, and Kellie Pickler. Belle's father will be played by Danny Devito. Monsieur D'Arque will be played by Abe Vigoda. And there will be tons of famous cameos among the townsfolk. | Perfect cast. By the way, Monsieur D'Arque is the old guy who accepts Gaston's bribe, and Abe Vigoda is from The Godfather and the old guy in the Betty White Snickers commercial. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Director Ivan Reitman has also directed Dave, Ghostbusters, and Kindergarten Cop. | Why not get Glee creator Ryan Murphy to direct or produce this movie? | Dear Disney, you are welcome for this multi-billion dollar idea. Sincerely, Curt David |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, No Strings Attached (without competition) wins all seven points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you aren't excited about No Strings attached, you probably should rent the animated Beauty and the Beast. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, No Strings Attached is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I have a crush on Belle.
Conclusion 3: My favorite video on youtube right now is Ian Axel's "This is the New Year" music video. Check it out. My friends and I created a parody of this video, which turned out quite well if I say so myself, watch it here!
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