This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for December 3, 2010
By Curt David
December 3, 2010
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Quick and the Dead, Fast and the Furious, Faster, and Speed all have different plots). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (I'm actually not sure the next time I'll go to the cinema...Emma Watson, do you have another movie coming out before the final Harry Potter?).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of December 3rd, the new movies in wide release are The Warrior's Way and...oh no, it seems like we're in one of those weekends where there is just one new wide release....okay, I'll make up a movie that I think should be made...
| The Warrior's Way | The Little Mermaid (live action) | Winner
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | I bet this movie is going to be about a warrior and the warrior's journey- just a hunch. | If this movie was real, it would be a 3D movie with real actors starring in the remake of Disney's Little Mermaid- genius! | While I may be a genius, only one movie actually has a title being released this weekend, point for The Warrior's Way. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Action
Rated R for strong bloody violence.
| Adventure
Rated PG for action and a really scary octopus-lady that'll freak your kids out.
| I don't even care about Warrior's Way anymore, I'm so excited about my movie, but it can win another point. |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | "N/A"
At least I don't think this movie has a tagline. There was a poster of Kate Bosworth and the word "Passion" on it.
0/5 stars
| "This weekend, go under the sea and be part of her world"
Get it? I took two of the song titles and made a tagline.
6/5
| That's how it's done, folks. Point for Curt David. |
| Best Part of Trailer | Starts out with a guy getting cut in half, then combines the ninja genre with the wild west genre- a little trippy. | Trust me, it'll be awesome. | I thought Warrior's Way's trailer was going to make me say 'boring,' instead it made me say, 'wtf?' in a good way. Point. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Dong-gun Jang, who is a very famous box-office shattering star in South Korea, has been in several successful non-American movies. | Taylor Swift will play the role of Ariel, the Little Mermaid. | My movie is going to make a gazillion dollars! For now, though, Jang will win the point. |
| Best Cast | Kate Bosworth (Lois Lane in Superman Returns), Geoffrey Rush (the Pirates trilogy), Danny Huston (Stryker in Wolverine), and Tony Cox (Bad Santa) | Curt David will play Prince Eric, Wynonna Judd will play Ursula, David Hasselhoff will play King Triton, and Ariel's six sisters will be played by Beyonce, Britney, Christina, Pink, Rihanna, and Katy Perry. | A gazillion dollars on opening day alone! Seriously- best cast choices ever! For now, though, Warrior's Way will get another point. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | I believe this is Director/Writer Sngmoo Lee's debut film. | Perhaps the movie should be directed by Rob Marshall (Chicago), or maybe McG if we want more explosions in the film. | Congratulations Mr. Lee - a point for your debut in This Weekend, Watch This. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Warrior's Way scores 6 points and Curt David scores 1 point.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you create movies in your head, feel free to stay home this weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, The Warrior's Way is guaranteed to be the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Seriously, can someone compliment me for casting singer Wynonna Judd as Ursula and ocean-themed Baywatch star David Hasselhoff as King Triton. That's pure gold, right?
Conclusion 3: If the live-action The Little Mermaid was a real movie, its tagline would have made the Top 5 taglines on 2010. To see the current runnings for the awards (only one month left of 2010) click below.
For the "This Weekend, Watch This" list of the Top 5 Titles, Trailers, Taglines, and Actors so far in 2010...click here.
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