This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for October 29, 2010
By Curt David
October 29, 2010
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Vanilla Sky, October Sky, and Sky High all have different genres ). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Dear Ms. Emma Stone: I just added Zombieland to my Netflix queue).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of October 29th, the movies in wide release are Saw 3D and....ah dang, I hate weekends with only one wide release.
| Saw 3D | I don't even know what to compare Saw 3D to...maybe I'll just tell some Halloween jokes to make me feel better | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | What is this, the fifth or sixth or 20th Saw movie? | Why do Demons and Ghouls hang out together? Because Demons are a Ghouls best friend! | Hahahah, that's a good one. And the seventh Saw gets the point for the clearest title. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Horror:
Rated R for sequences of grisly bloody violence and torture, and language.
| Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos! | Oh drinking ghost jokes- they'll get you everytime. And of course Saw gets the point. |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | In mind-blowing 3D
Ha! It sounds like an adjective to describe 3D or bloody torture- clever!
4/5 stars
| What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist! | It actually took me a little bit to get the joke - keep thinking about it - you'll get it soon. And blah blah Saw blah point. |
| Best Part of Trailer | A torture scene in a crowded Times Square-type place. And it definitely makes you want to participate in the "last" movie in 3D. | What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o! | One of the rare horror trailers I liked, and the first Saw trailer I liked. Well played, Jigsaw. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Tobin Bell as Jigsaw in all seven Saw movies and guest-starred in tons of TV shows (Alias!) | How do you keep monsters from biting their nails? Give them screws! | Yep, Saw 3D gets another point. Sigh, don't worry- three movies come out next week!!!! |
| Best Cast | Costas Mandylor (Saw III, IV, V, VI), Betsy Russell (Saw III, IV, V, VI), Cary Elwes (the main guy from The Princess Bride), and Sean Patrick Flanery (the main guy from Boondock Saints). | What is in a ghost's nose? Boogers! | I can imagine a cute little kid saying that joke. I can also imagine the only cast getting the award for best cast. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan have also written Saw IV, V, and IV and are rumored to be writing the Piranha 3D sequel. | Why can't boy ghosts make babies? Because they have Hallow-Weenies! | I'm sorry, but I just had to type that joke. Hahaha. And yeah, Saw just got all 7 points. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Saw gets all the points. Whoop-de-doo.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you don't like scary movies, go trick-or-treating instead. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Saw 3D is the movie to watch this weekend - guaranteed!
Conclusion 2: My jokes? I just typed in www.Halloween.com and found some (and picked out ones that I have never heard before).
Conclusion 3: What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking? A pumpkin patch!
For the "This Weekend, Watch This" list of the Top 5 Titles, Trailers, Taglines, and Actors so far in 2010...click here.
Print this column
