This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for October 15, 2010
By Curt David
October 15, 2010
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Primary Colors, The Color Purple, Ultraviolet, and Aquamarine all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Dear Ms. Emma Stone- I can't wait until Spiderman 4).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of October 15th, the movies in wide release are Red and Jackass 3D.
| Red | Jackass 3D | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | Well, this is one of the least clear titles of all time. Here's hoping it's about Mars or Elmo. | This is probably the third film in the MTV Jackass series. Here's hoping it's actually something else. | Jackass 3D gets the point (or in other words, a point for encouraging 12-year-olds to use taser guns on themselves) |
Best Genre
and Rating | Action Comedy
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action and brief strong language
| Comedy Action
Rated R for male nudity, extremely crude and dangerous stunts throughout, and for language.
| Not sure of the difference between comedy/action and action/comedy, so both movies will split the point. (so I'm only half encouraging the use of shopping carts as sleds) |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | "Still Armed. Still Dangerous. Still Got It. "
Kind of catchy. I think it is referring to retired assassins.
2/5 stars
| N/A
Really? What about "Life is hard. So is _____" and insert the name of a stunt?
0/5 stars
|
Point for the color red (and a point for kids to use crayolas and not watch MTV)
|
| Best Part of Trailer | Helen Mirren and others playing Retired Extremely Dangerous ex-CIA agents. | Okay, I admit it was funny (and that I have watched the first two movies too). | I think I want to see Red the most, though. Therefore it gets the point. (Parents: comic books are a good way to get your kids to read) |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Bruce Willis from four Die Hard movies, The Sixth Sense, Pulp Fiction, and Sin City. | Johnny Knoxville from all things Jackass, Men in Black II, The Dukes of Hazzard, and The Ringer. | I actually enjoy all of Knoxville's movies, especially the Ringer, so he'll split the point with the famous Willis. (and no, I'm not trying to encourage playing paintball in your underwear). |
| Best Cast | Morgan Freeman (The Dark Knight), John Malkovich (Con Air), Mary Louise-Parker (Weeds), Helen Mirren (The Queen), and smaller roles with Brian Cox (X2), Richard Dreyfuss (Jaws) and Julian McMahon (Nip/Tuck) | Bam Margera, Steve-O, and the other Jackass folks. | This was the easiest point ever awarded in this column's history. Point for Red. (Shame, I was all ready to write something about being flipped in a Portapotty) |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Director Robert Schwentke has also directed Flightplan and The Time Traveler's Wife. | Director Jeff Tremaine has also directed all other Jackass projects. | Point for Red's director. (Go to the videostore and rent Flightplan, but don't go dressed as Santa or a gorilla.) |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Red scores 5 points and Jackass 3D scores 2 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you laugh at people getting hurt on YouTube, go see Jackass 3D. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Red is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I thought there would never be a Katherine Heigl movie I liked, but then I remembered The Ringer. I liked the movie, and I liked her in it.
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