This Weekend, Watch This

by Curt David

August 21, 2009

Bon-jur-no!

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You have this weekend free, how do you decide on what movie to watch? Some people go to the theaters with limited movie knowledge and pick a movie based on the title (not good if you are a Sandra Bullock fan and pick 28 Days Later to watch). Some people listen to the top critics in America for what movie to watch (not good if that stopped you from seeing G.I.Joe....not a good movie, but don't tell me it wasn't enjoyable). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Catherine Zeta-Jones, when are you coming out with your next movie????)

I'll save you the hassle and compare the new releases in all of these categories. Then, I'll tell you the best movie to watch this weekend...






Inglourious BasterdsPost GradShortsWinner
Best TitleThere has to be a spelling mistake somewhere in that titleIt's going to be about life or somethingThat’s the most random word for a movie title EVER. Post Grad- clearly the movie I want to see.
Best Tagline"Brad Pitt is a Basterd""A pre-life crisis""Not so tall tales from the director of Spy Kids"I am definitely not seeing Post Grad now. Funniest tagline and the winner: Inglorious Basterds
Lead ActorBrad Pitt of Fight Club, Troy, and Ocean's fameAlexis Beidel from Gilmore Girls, and the Gilmore Girls spin-off: Sin City.Jimmy Bennett- This little kid was in over 20 movies, including being the Young James T. Kirk this yearI can't let my guy friends read that I'm picking a movie because of Brad Pitt, or because of the Gilmore Girls, so Jimmy Bennett wins this one for Shorts.
Best Cast MemberB.J. Novak? What the? He's Ryan from The Office- I love that show. Carol Burnett: One funny lady.Kat Dennings, I had a crush on her in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.Does anyone remember that Tarzan yell? hahahahha Carol Burnett wins. Hahaha, whew, haha.
Best Part of TrailerBrad Pitt's accent, Diane Kruger, and killin' Nazisummmmm? It seems sweet?The line "I wish I were a...Weiner" Trust me, it was funny in the trailer Killin Nazi's always trumps...Inglorious Basterds gets a point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Director Quentin Tarantino also directed Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction. Director Vicky Jensen was the storyboard director for many animated movies and tv shows. Director, Producer, Writer, Composer, Editor, and Cinematographer of Shorts: Robert Rodriguez (also directed Sin City and Spy Kids)I'm sorry, but this has to be a three way tie. Of course Tarantino and Rodriguez are cool. But Vicky Jensen worked on Shrek, FERN GULLY, Jem, Pound Puppies, She-Ra, Animaniacs, Ghostbusters, He-Man, and the SMURFS!!!!!
What the Critics SayInglorious Basterds- 87% fresh at rottentomatoes.9% rotten, however Roger Ebert really liked it. 45% rotten, but I'm guessing kids will really like it.Ingloroius Basterds only barely wins this round over Post Grad...



So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie: Shorts scored 2 points, Post Grad scored 3 points, Inglorious Basterds scored 4 points. You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if the tag-line “A pre-life crisis,” sounds like your type of movie, go for it. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: Inglorious Basterds is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I still have no idea what the title “Shorts” has to do with the plot of its film.




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