This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for September 3, 2010
By Curt David
September 3, 2010
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Kramer vs. Kramer, The People vs. Larry Flint, and Jason vs. Freddy all have different genres ). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My Top 5 Reasons "The Rebound" should be released in the USA....#4: The ending of the movie was sweet, but not completely predictable).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of September 3rd, the movies in wide release are The American, Going the Distance, and Machete.
| The American | Going the Distance | Machete | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | 50% this title is a patriotic movie and a 50% chance it is a spy movie. | There's a 33% chance this movie is either an inspirational sports movie, a romantic comedy, or a raunchy teenage film. | There's a 90% chance this movie has to do with killing someone with a machete. | Movies with weapons in the title are usually action movies. Point goes to Machete. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Drama/Thriller
Rated R for violence, sexual content, and nudity.
| Romantic Comedy
Rated R for sexual content including dialogue, language throughout, some drug use, and brief nudity.
| Action
Rated R for strong bloody violence throughout, language, some sexual content, and nudity.
| All three movies will split the point for unique genres (but why all the nudity?) |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | "George Clooney is The American"
It incorporates the title, but I don't know if that counts as a tagline.
1/5 stars
| "A comedy about meeting each other halfway"
I think this is a play on words on compromising in a relationship and traveling halfway to meet each other.
2/5 stars
| "He knows the score. He gets the women. And he kills the bad guys!"
Cheesy, but I like it.
3/5
| And he gets the point for the best tagline! Point for Machete. |
| Best Part of Trailer | The plot seems cool and exciting, but the trailer made it seem like a slow dramatic indie film. | Drew Barrymore is adorable. Movie seems cute, but not that funny...except the table scene. | Michelle Rodriguez!!! And a crazy Zorro meets Sin City feel going on. | If I went to the theaters tonight, based on the trailers alone, I'd flip a coin between Going the Distance and Machete. 1/2 point each. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | George Clooney from ER, Ocean's 11, 12, and 13, and from Batman and Robin. | Drew Barrymore from E.T., Scream, The Wedding Singer, and Charlie's Angels. | Danny Trejo with 195 acting credits, including Desperado, Con Air, Grindhouse, and Predators. | Is anyone really going to argue with me if Drew Barrymore takes this point? She was Gertie in E.T.! |
| Best Cast Member | Irini Bjorklund, who is apparently a very popular Finnish actress. | Justin Long from He's Just Not That Into You, Live Free or Die Hard, and NBC's Ed. | Michelle Rodriguez from Lost, Resident Evil, Fast and Furious, and Avatar! | It doesn't matter that Machete also stars Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, Cheech Marin, Lindsey Lohan, and Jessica Alba....Michelle Rodriguez wins this point all on her own. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Director Anton Corbijn has directed stylish music videos for U2, Metallica, and others. | Director Nanette Burstein has also directed some smaller films. | Director, Writer, and Producer Robert Rodriguez has also done Grindhouse, Sin City, Spy Kids, and Desperado. | Robert Rodriguez, who is not related to Michelle, has the best street cred this week. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Machete scores 4 and 5/6 points, Going the Distance scores 1 and 5/6 points, and The American scores 1/3 point.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to see a chick flick, go watch Going the Distance. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Machete is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Here's some fun trivia: Robert Rodriguez and Danny Trejo are second cousins, and Danny has been in many of Robert's films (And Danny's characters are usually named after different types of knives).
Conclusion 3: One of my highlights of watching Avatar was seeing Michelle Rodriguez smile in a film, while also being a tough chick.
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