This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for August 27, 2010
By Curt David
August 27, 2010
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Planet Terror, Planet 51, and Planet of the Apes all have different genres ). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My Top 5 Reasons "The Rebound" should be released in the USA… #5: It wasn't a stereotypical chick flick about two 20-somethings who have some problems and make up).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of August 27th, the movies in wide release are The Last Exorcism and Takers (plus, a special edition of Avatar hits the screens in limited release).
| The Last Exorcism | Takers | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | There's a 99% chance this is a horror movie. | There's a 33% chance this movie is either about a kidnapping, theft, or aliens. | Evil Spirits will most likely be expelled in The Last Exorcism, which wins this round. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Horror
Rated PG-13 for disturbing violent content and terror, some sexual references, and thematic material.
| Action/Thriller
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, a sexual situation, partial nudity, and some language.
| Should 13 year-olds really be seeing all of that content? Movies will split the point for corrupting minors. |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | "Believe in Him"
The tagline is short and to the point. Plus, I am curious if we are to believe in the demon, the exorcist, or God.
3/5 stars
| "Everyone's after something."
A good definition of the title of the film.
2/5 stars
| I've been disappointed in taglines this summer. The Last Exorcism wins the point, and my gratitude for not saying, "This Exorcism will be the last." |
| Best Part of Trailer | The movie is set up like a documentary. Disturbing images ensue. | ZOE SALDANA! And plot twists of "Who is taking who?" | I don't usually like horror films, but the trailer made it look better than Takers. Point for The Last Exorcism. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Patrick Fabian from the TV shows Big Love, Veronica Mars, and Joan of Arcadia. | Tip "T.I." Harris from the movies ATL and American Gangster, but you know him as the singer of "Whatever You Like" | When your name has multiple periods in it, you have to be cool. Point for T.I. |
| Best Cast Member | Ashley Bell was in 4 episodes of the show "The United States of Tara," and you don't know anyone else from the film. | Matt Dillon (Crash), Paul Walker (Fast and the Furious), Zoe Saldana (Avatar), Hayden Christensen (Star Wars), and Chris Brown. | Takers automatically won the point for Zoe Saldana. Then it automatically lost the point for hiring Chris Brown. Then it wins the point again for having other famous people in it. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Producer Eli Roth has also produced and directed Cabin Fever, Hostel, and Grindhouse. | Producer Chris Brown is a tool. | Eli Roth has some good ol' horror street cred. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Last Exorcism wins 4 and 1/2 points and Takers wins 2 and 1/2 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to see one of the best movies ever made, go see the re-release of Avatar. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, The Last Exorcism is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: This is the first horror film to win a weekend, by itself, in "This Weekend, Watch This" history. (Paranormal Activity split the weekend with Where the Wild Things Are.)
Conclusion 3: Zoe Saldana is uncredited as an actress in the trailer and on the poster! Whose decision was that? Idiots.
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