This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison of the new releases for July 9, 2010

By Curt David

July 9, 2010

Matrix Agents are looking noticeably less fit these days

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Get Rich or Die Tryin', Richie Rich, Millions, and Slumdog Millionaire - all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My Top 10: Actresses I have crushed on... #6: Jennifer Garner from Alias).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of July 9th, the movies in wide release are Despicable Me and Predators.


Despicable Me Predators WINNER (1 point per category)
Clearest TitleNeat title. What did the guy do to deserve to be despised? (And why did I assume it was a guy?) I've heard of Predators before. They're the alien guys with weapons, right? Predators has the clearest (yet, not as original) title. Point.
Best Genre
and Rating
Animation, rated PG Sci-Fi/Thriller, rated R We've had animation this year (Toy Story, Shrek) and Sci-Fi (Splice), so perhaps these movies should split the point.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)
"Superbad. Superdad."

This is a cute tagline, even more clever if you were familiar with the plot.

2/5 stars
"Fear is reborn."

Is fear reborn because this is a sequel of Predators, or because of something in the movie? Probably the former, but I'm confused now.

1/5 stars
Despicable Me will win the point for Cleverest Tagline.
Best Part of TrailerIt seemed clever, funny, fun, with a few heartfelt moments (and it's not even a Pixar film). I like the plot of humans being thrown into an alien game preserve on another planet. I like trailers that make me want to see the movie. Since both trailers did that this time, they'll split the point.
Coolest Lead ActorSteve Carell (from The Office, Date Night, Get Smart, and Little Miss Sunshine) is the voice of Gru Adrien Brody (from King Kong, The Village, and The Pianist) is the leader of the humans I need to go with Steve Carell on this one.
Best Cast MemberJulie Andrews (from Mary Poppins, Sound of Music, and The Princess Diaries) is the voice of Gru's mom. Laurence Fishburne (from The Matrix, CSI, and Pee-Wee's playhouse) is a U.S. Navy Seal Usually Julie Andrews would automatically win any round, but since she's just a voice, she'll split the point with Morpheus.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Director Chris Renaud also directed the Ice Age short film "No Time for Nuts," and worked in many art and animation departments. Producer Robert Rodriguez has also produced Spy Kids, Grindhouse, and Desperado. While it would have been cooler if Mr. Rodriguez directed the movie, he is the definition of street cred. Point for him.



So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Despicable Me scores 3 1/2 points and Predators scores 3 1/2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like futuristic weapons go see....wait, nevermind, both movies have futuristic weapons. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Despicable Me AND Predators are the movies to watch this weekend (shoot, I didn't really help you decide this week. My bad).
Conclusion 2: I like how the main character of the animated film is a "bad guy."
Conclusion 3: Laurence Fishburne (aka as Cowboy Curtis) is married to Gina Torres (aka Anna Espinosa from Alias!)



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