This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for June 18, 2010
By Curt David
June 18, 2010
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Toy Story, Babes in Toyland, and Guys and Dolls all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Congratulations to Catherine Zeta-Jones for winning her Tony last Sunday!!!!).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of June 18th, the movies in wide release are Jonah Hex and Toy Story 3.
| Jonah Hex | Toy Story 3 | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | A magical interpretation of the Jonah and the Whale story? | TOY STORY 3!!!!!!!!!!!!! | Okay, Toy Story 3 has the clearest title of the weekend. What is Jonah Hex? |
Best Genre
and Rating | Western/Action
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, disturbing images, and sexual content.
| Action/Family
Rated G for General Audiences.
| Every movie has intense sequences of violence these days. Toy Story 3 wins the round for being one of the few "G" movies released these days. |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | "Revenge Gets Ugly"
Kindof makes you interested in the plot, foreshadows some good violent action.
1/5 stars
| "No toy gets left behind"
Kindof makes you interested in the plot, foreshadows some good toy rescuing action.
1/5 stars
| Now the best tagline of all time for Toy Story 3 would have been, "Revenge Gets Ugly," rated PG-13. Since that isn't the case, both movies split the point.
|
| Best Part of Trailer | The advanced weapons of the Old West were schweet. | Being back in the world of Toy Story 3. | So watching the Toy Story 3 trailer wasn't the highlight of my week I thought it was going to be, but it'll win this round. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Josh Brolin, from No Country for Old Men, is Jonah Hex. | Tom Hanks, from Forrest Gump, The Da Vinci Code, and Big, is the voice of Woody. | Also from Sleepless in Seattle, A League of Their Own, Apollo 13, Cast Away, and The Terminal...Tom Hanks wins this point. |
| Best Cast Member | Megan Fox, from the two Transformers movies, is the love interest of Jonah Hex (I'm guessing). | Tim Allen, aka Tim the Toolman Taylor, is the voice of Buzz Lightyear. | Megan Fox gets a lot of slack from haters everywhere. Cleary, she can look fine in an action movie - put away the hate-o-rade. Point for Ms. Fox. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Director Jimmy Hayward has also directed Horton Hears a Who (Ironically, he was in the art department for Toy Story and Toy Story 2). | Director Lee Unkrich has co-directed Toy Story 2, Monster's Inc., and Finding Nemo. | Man, I would trust Lee Unkrich with my baby as well as the Toy Story Franchise. He wins the point. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Toy Story 3 scores 5 1/2 points and Jonah Hex scores 1 1/2 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you've already seen The Book of Eli, From Paris with Love, or Kick-Ass this year, you are most likely going to see Jonah Hex this weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Toy Story 3 is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I actually am not that excited for Toy Story 3. I never even saw Toy Story 2 or Cars. WALL-E didn't do it for me. The only Pixar films I really liked were Finding Nemo and Up.
Conclusion 3: Stop judging me. So what if I think Megan Fox can act and not all Pixar films are amazing. Stop hatin'.
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