This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for May 29, 2010
By Curt David
May 28, 2010
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, From Dusk to Dawn, Rescue Dawn, and Dawn of the Dead all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My Top 5: Movies I never would have watched, nor would watch again, if Ms. Zeta-Jones wasn't in them... #1: America's Sweethearts).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of May 29th, the movies in wide release are Prince of Persia and Sex and the City 2.
| Prince of Persia:
Sands of Time
| Sex and the City 2 | Winner
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | Most movies with words after a colon are going to be big blockbuster action films. | Most movies with a 2 after the title are sequels. | Despite not wanting to give Sex and the City any points today, the title is clearer for the general public. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Action/Adventure
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action.
| Dramedy
Rated R for some strong sexual content and and language.
| As a guy, I feel I need to make sure Prince of Persia wins this column, so point for the action movie. |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | "Defy the future"
A little clever. This is both an inspirational saying, and something the character in the movie can literally do.
2/5 stars
| "Carrie On"
Hahahaha. This is golden. "Carry on" is a sequel-type saying, and the character's name is Carrie. I actually approve.
4/5 stars
| I am going to quit writing this column if Sex and the City wins the whole thing. But it does have a much better tagline. Point for Carrie.
|
| Best Part of Trailer | Definitely from the producer of Pirates of the Caribbean. Action looks similar, flirtatious dialogue isn't up to POTC's standard, though. | The trailer was extremely well edited. | The Prince of Persia trailer wasn't even that much better, but thankfully will win the point for this round. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Jake Gyllenhaal from Donnie Darko, Jarhead, and (my favorite) October Sky. | Sarah Jessica Parker from Failure to Launch, The Family Stone, and the TV show Sex and the City. | Jake wins this round, mainly due to the fact that he's the celebrity I most look like when I upload my picture on myheritage.com |
| Best Cast Member | Ben Kingsley from Shutter Island, Shindler's List, and (my favorite) Gandhi. | MICHAEL T. WEISS?!?! Okay, so unfortunately his character in the movie is called, "Handsome Man at Wedding," but he's Jarod from the late '90s show "The Pretender"!!! | Shoot, I didn't think anyone from Sex and the City would beat Sir Kingsley, but the Pretender was the first show I was addicted to. Point for Jarod. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Director Mike Newell also directed Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and Four Weddings and a Funeral. Plus, this is a Jerry Bruckheimer/Disney production. | Director, Producer, and Writer Michael Patrick King has also directed, written, and produced the first movie and tons of the Sex and the City tv shows. | Despite Mr. King being best suited to direct the sequel, I HAVE to give the tiebreaker point to Prince of Persia. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Prince of Persia scores 4 points and Sex and the City 2 scores 3 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are going out to the theaters for a "girl's night", please watch Sex and the City 2. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Prince of Persia is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I have never given a movie so many unearned points in a column before, but in all good consciousness, I couldn't award the weekend to Sex and the City 2.
Conclusion 3: Myheritage.com also tells me I look like Jason Biggs, Nicolas Cage, and some French Prime Minister from the late 1800s.
Conclusion 4: I hope Michael T. Weiss gets a comeback role pretty soon.
Print this column
