This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for April 30, 2010
By Curt David
April 30, 2010
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, FlightPlan, The Game Plan, and The Back-Up Plan all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My Top 5: Movies I never would have watched, nor would I watch again, if Ms. Zeta-Jones wasn't in them... #5: No Reservations).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of April 30th, the new movies in wide release are Furry Vengeance and A Nightmare on Elm Street.
|Furry Vengeance||A Nightmare on Elm Street||Winner|
(1 point per category)
|Clearest Title||Actually, this is one of the most creative titles ever for a movie involving woodland creatures attacking humans. ||Actually, this is one of the most iconic titles ever. ||Furry Vengeance and A Nightmare on Elm Street win this round and get 1/2 a point each. |
Rated PG for some rude humor, mild language, and brief smoking.
Rated R for strong bloody horror violence, disturbing images, terror and language.
|I don't really appreciate strong bloody horror violence, nor do I like smoking in children's films. Both movies lose this round and only get 1/2 a point each. |
(out of 5 stars)
|"He came, he saw, they conquered"
Clever. You expect it to say that he conquered, but no, the forest animals did.
||"Never sleep again"
Pretty good tagline for a movie about a guy who kills you when you sleep.
||Any time a tagline has a play on words, it almost always automatically wins this round. Point for Furry Vengeance. |
|Best Part of Trailer||Hmmm, the animals were not as cute or as funny as I was expecting. ||Hmmm, this trailer was better than I expected. I like the original plot for a horror movie. ||Okay, so Nightmare came out 21 years ago, but I never saw it because I was five at the time. The plot is clever. Point for Elm Street. |
|Coolest Lead Actor||Brendan Fraser (You know him from The Mummy and George of the Jungle. Others know him from Crash and Gods and Monsters) ||Jackie Earle Haley (You know him from Shutter Island and Watchmen. Others know him from Little Children and The Bad News Bears.) ||I don't really have a preference. I guess Mr. Haley and his Oscar nomination win this round. |
|Best Cast Member||Brooke Shields (Older people remember her as a model and from The Blue Lagoon. My generation remembers Suddenly Susan. The tweens know her as Miley's mom on Hannah Montana). ||Rooney Mara (Everybody who sees her thinks she looks very familiar, or that she is Emily Blunt. She is a brand new actress with a recognizable face). ||Don't judge me - you watched Suddenly Susan too. Brooke Shields wins this point. |
|Best Street Cred|
For the Production
|Director Roger Kumble also directed Cruel Intentions, Just Friends, and College Roadtrip. ||Director Samuel Bayer has directed music videos for everyone in the industry (Metallica, Smashing Pumpkins, Green Day, The Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, etc.) ||Bayer has an impressive resume, but Mr. Kumble directed Just Friends, a romantic comedy that was actually good. Don't judge me. Point for Furry Vengeance. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Furry Vengeance scores 4 points and A Nightmare on Elm Street scores 3 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if one of these movies sounds appealing to you, you are most likely going to hate the other one. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Furry Vengeance is the movie to watch this weekend. (Don't judge me)
Conclusion 2: I strangely felt really old while writing this column (Hannah Montana who?) and really young writing this column (people actually remember when the first Elm Street was released?)
Conclusion 3: I know everything there is to know about Furry Vengeance and wrote it all down in my first assignment from Box Office Prophets. Click here if you want to read the charming article, or if you don't believe that I can actually write in paragraph form.