This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for February 12, 2010
By Curt David
February 12, 2010
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Clue, Clueless, and Without a Clue all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (this weekend, there's a good chance your crush is in a movie- me, not so much).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of February 12th, the new movies in wide release are Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Valentine's Day, and The Wolfman.
|Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief ||Valentine's Day ||The Wolfman ||WINNER
(1 point per category)
|Clearest Title||Hmm. Sounds like the name of the guy from Dawson's Creek, perhaps fighting Zeus?? ||Well the plot could very well be about anything, but it sounds like a successful romantic movie. ||Yes! How can you go wrong with a movie about a Wolfman?||Valentine's Day and The Wolfman split the point for the clearest title. |
|Best Genre &|
Rated PG for action violence and peril, some scary images and suggestive material, and mild language.
Rated PG-13 for some sexual material and brief partial nudity.
Rated R for bloody horror violence and gore.
|Valentine's Day is this weekend and, wait, what is this? A movie called Valentine's Day? Automatic Point. |
|Cleverest Tagline |
(out of 5 stars)
|It doesn't have one?!??!?!
||A Love Story, more or less
It's called Valentine's Day, so it might have a love story, but not really?? still it gets the point across
|When the moon is full, the legend comes alive.
So it's about a werewolf- pretty cool...
|Come on Percy- what about "A shocking adventure" or "Forget what you learned about Greek Mythology," or something?!? Now the other two movies have to split the dang point again. |
|Best Part of Trailer||Wow, not only is the plot of normal-teenager-is-actually son-of-Poseidon enjoyable, but it had some funny quotes in it as well. ||Wow, not only is every star in Hollywood in this movie, but, no, actually that's it. ||Wow, not only does this look a little disturbing, but it's got Anthony Hopkins in it. ||Finally, Percy Jackson makes it on the leaderboard. Point for that trailer. |
|Coolest Lead Actor||Logan Lerman, born in 1992, from Hoot, Gamer, and 3:10 to Yuma. ||Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Taylor Lautner, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine, Emma Roberts, Julia Roberts, and Taylor Swift. ||Benicio Del Toro, from Traffic, is the Wolfman||The amount of stars in this movie is absolutely ridiculous. Yet, automatic point for Valentine's Day. |
|Best Cast member||Uma Thurman, from Kill Bill, plays Medusa in this movie. ||Roberta Valderrama, hysterically funny in 10 Items or Less. ||Emily Blunt, amazing actress from The Devil Wears Prada and Sunshine Cleaning. ||Shoot, all three actresses are awesome. Eh, it's Valentine's Day, love for all- 1/3rd point each! |
|Best Street Cred|
For the Production
|Directed by Chris Columbus (the guy who directed Harry Potter, not the famous explorer) and based on a popular book by Rick Riordan. ||Directed by Garry Marshall, who has also directed The Princess Diaries, Runaway Bride, and Pretty Woman. ||Directed by Joe Johnston, who also directed October Sky, Jurassic Park III, and Hidalgo. ||October Sky was a clutch movie. Yet, Marshall knows how to direct a RomCom and Columbus knows how to direct fantasy. It'll be those two guys who'll split the point. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Valentine's Day scores 3 and 5/6 points, The Wolfman scores 1 and 5/6 points, and Percy Jackson scores 1 and 1/3 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you don't have a date this weekend, go see The Wolfman. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Valentine's Day is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: This movie has no plot that I know of! Yet, I bet this movie will make more money than Avatar, based on the number of celebrities in it.
Conclusion 3: Valentine's Day does have one redeeming quality: Not one, but TWO stars from Alias are in the movie!