This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for January 22, 2010
By Curt David
January 22, 2010
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Oklahoma, Sweet Home Alabama, and Gangs of New York all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (I'm going through Zeta-Jones withdrawal, when is The Rebound coming to the USA?????).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of January 22nd, the new movies in wide release are Extraordinary Measures, Legion, and The Tooth Fairy.
| | Extraordinary Measures | Legion | Tooth Fairy | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | The dictionary says to pronounce extraordinary with a "strawr" sound, which is good, cause extra-ordinary doesn't sound that special. | The dictionary says a legion is a "large, military unit trained for combat." | The dictionary says, "A tooth fairy is a fairy credited with leaving a child money for a baby tooth that has fallen out and been placed under the child's pillow at night." | It is quite clear to see that the clearest title is Tooth Fairy. Clearly. |
Best Genre &
Rating | Drama
Rated PG for thematic material, language, and a mild suggestive moment.
| Action/Horror
Rated R for strong bloody violence, and language.
| Comedy/Fantasy
Rated PG for mild language, some rude humor, and sports action.
| Whoa, don't look up "The Tooth Fairy," which is a horror movie. The inspirational Extraordinary Measures wins for best genre, since enough time has passed since The Blind Side opened. |
| Cleverest Tagline (out of 5 stars) | Don't hope for a miracle. Make one.
Good tagline. I think I am already starting to tear up.
3/5 stars
| When the last angel falls, the fight for mankind begins.
This tagline sure is foreshadowing some scary "end times" moments. 2/5 stars
| You can't handle the Tooth.
HAHAHAHA, it sounds like "You can't handle the truth," but the movie is about a TOOTH fairy!
4/5 stars
| The Tooth Fairy has the best play on words, and the point for this round. |
| Best Part of Trailer | Be warned: moisture may form in your eyes when you watch this trailer. | Be warned: the scariest grandmother scene in the history of cinema. Freaky movie. | Be warned: Kids are going to love this movie. | Extraordinary Measures and Legion split a point for having diametrically opposite, yet engaging, trailers. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Harrison Ford from Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Air Force One, and The Fugitive. | Paul Bettany from Iron Man, The Da Vinci Code, and A Knight's Tale. | Dwayne Johnson from Get Smart, The Mummy, and WWE. | I do like The Rock. However, Harrison Ford is the third best actor of all-time with the highest grossing movies, so by default, he has to win. |
| Best Cast Member | Brendan Frasier.
Best known for: The Mummy and George of the Jungle.
Best work: Crash
| Kate Walsh.
Best known for: Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice.
Best work: The Drew Carey Show.
| Julie Andrews.
Best known for: Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music.
Best Work: See above.
| The Sound of Music is the third highest grossing domestic movie ever, adjusted for inflation (Titanic is #6, for now)....in other words, Julie Andrews trumps all. |
Best Street Cred
for the Production | Directed by Tom Vaughan who also directed What Happens in Vegas. | Directed by Scott Steward, who has done visual effects on every movie (Iron Man, Die Hard, Pirates, Harry Potter, Sin City, etc.) | Directed by Michael Lembeck who has also directed every TV Show (Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, Mad About You, Coach, etc.) | Despite having the least directing experience of the three, Scott Steward wins this point with his impressive visual effects resume for his supernatural movie. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Tooth Fairy scores 3 points, Extraordinary Measures scores 2 1/2 points, and Legion scores 1 1/2 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are okay with seeing a movie with "a mild suggestive moment," then watch Extraordinary Measures. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Tooth Fairy is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Conclusion 1 surprised me, as I would rather watch Legion and Extraordinary Measures (even more surprising, because I pick who wins each round).
Conclusion 3: Tooth Fairy has a second, but equally clever, tagline, which states, "The Tooth Hurts." Hahahaha.
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