This Weekend, Watch This
By Curt David
December 11, 2009
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surpisingly, Touristas, National Lampoon's Vacation, and The Holiday are all different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Dear Catherine Zeta-Jones, you might make me go and see a Broadway play...break a leg on your opening night this weekend).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of December 4th, the movies opening in wide release are: Invictus and The Princess and the Frog.
| Invictus | The Princess and the Frog | WINNER
(1 point per category) |
| CLEAREST TITLE | After 19 years of schooling*, I don't believe I have ever heard of this word before. | After two years of schooling, I believe I heard about this story. | The Princess and the Frog gets a point for the easiest title to understand. |
| BEST GENRE & RATING | Drama/Biography
Rated PG-13 because it has brief strong language. | Animation/Musical
Rated G because it is a Disney cartoon. | A biography about Mr. Invictus? I'm so confused. Princess and the Frog, a traditional hand-drawn Disney film, wins this point too. |
| BEST TAGLINE | His people needed a leader. He gave them a champion. | N/A | A movie without a tagline? Well, I never.... Invictus wins this point. |
| BEST PART OF TRAILER | Oooh, Invictus is about Nelson Mandela and rugby. It also looks like an Oscar contender. | The first black Disney princess, New Orleans feel, with a twist that happens when the princess kisses the frog. | Two feel good movies. Two movies that split the point for the Best Trailer. |
| COOLEST LEAD ACTOR | Matt Damon, from the Bourne Trilogy, has an Oscar for Best Screenplay for Good Will Hunting. | Anika Noni Rose, from Dreamgirls, has a Tony for Best Actress in a musical. | Matt Damon is pretty cool. But I think the point goes to Ms. Rose for winning a major acting award. |
| BEST CAST MEMBER | Morgan Freeman, from The Dark Knight, has won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for Million Dollar Baby. | Oprah Winfrey, from all things pop culture, was nominated for an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for The Color Purple. | Using the logic from the previous category, the point goes to Morgan Freeman with his acting win. |
| BEST STREET CRED FOR THE PRODUCTION | Director Clint Eastwood, from Dirty Harry, has won four Oscars, including two for directing. | Director and writer Ron Clements was the director, writer, and producer of Aladdin, Hercules, and (nominated for an Oscar for) Treasure Planet. | Both directors have impressive resumes, but Clint Eastwood is the definition of street cred in Hollywood. |
*Years of schooling includes post-high school education. I was not held back seven times in elementary school.
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Invictus scores 3 1/2 points and The Princess and the Frog scores 3 1/2 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like horror movies, you'll probably want to stay home until January, 2010. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Invictus AND The Princess and the Frog are the movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Wikipedia is the Web site to visit when you don't know a word. Invictus, latin for unconquered, is a famous short poem that Nelson Mandela had written down in his prison cell.
Conclusion 3: A live-action movie of Aladdin would make some serious dough. (Dear Ron Clements, I'm just saying).
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