What I Learned From
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

By Tom Houseman

December 11, 2009

I think Michael Bay just blew up Mater.

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I'm sure that you assumed, while walking into Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, that you were in for another Michael Bay smorgasbord of explosions, boobs and explosions, with some fun racism thrown in for the kids. And yes, all of that was in there, but there was so, so much more (there kind of had to be; the freaking movie is two and a half hours long). Little did you know that you were actually about to be treated to one of the most blatant pieces of conservative propaganda shown in movie theaters since Glen Beck's Common Sense Comedy Tour.

Now, it's generally true that most action movies have conservative overtones: the general message involves how awesome it is to take the law into your own hands, how great guns are, and that the good guys are the ones who kick the most ass. The Dark Knight was basically a Public Service Announcement for the Patriot Act, but Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen takes its message to a whole new level, not just defending conservative ideology but attacking liberalism and denouncing recent Democrat actions. That's right, there are all sorts of digs at current events thrown in with the close-ups of Megan Fox's breasts. So for all you Young Republicans out there hoping to explain why Michael Bay is the next Ronald Reagan, this is for you. And for everyone else, take these lessons as additional reasons to hate the Transformers movie.


1. The Government should never interfere with the military.

I don't know about you, but if there are three people I trust to make the decisions that decide the actions of the United States Armed Forces, they are Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, and a giant talking truck with seemingly unlimited fire power. Clearly the team behind Transformers: ROTF feels the same way. You know who should have no say in what the government-funded military should be doing? The government. Specifically some scrawny, bespectacled, balding (the trifecta of loserdom) white guy who thinks he knows better than Optimus Prime how to defeat the Decepticons. The National Security Advisor shows up at NEST Headquarters, demanding that the government control the action, which largely consists of trying to convince the Autobots to get out and not let the ozone layer hit their shiny metal asses on the way out. Does this sound similar to Nancy Pelosi criticizing General McChrystal's call for a surge in troops in Afghanistan? Yup, the government always screws everything up when they try to "save lives." They should just leave everything to the men with big guns.

2. Spreading information only helps the terrorists.

Remember how Obama was going to make public all the information about Americans torturing potential terrorist suspects? Remember how everyone knew that all it was going to accomplish was to make the terrorists mad and give them extra incentive to kill us? Well if you thought that, you were wrong. Little did we know it would also help the Decepticons! That's right, kids, anytime you tell anyone anything secret, Decepticons hear you (assuming that you are a scrawny bespectacled balding National Security Advisor), and they will use the information you tell them to kill everybody. "Let's talk about what we know," says the National Security Advisor. He then explicitly states the hidden locations of every piece of weaponry that the Decepticons need to plan their revenge against Earth, not realizing that they're listening to every word. Didn't the Bush administration teach us that everything we say is being heard? Bad National Security Advisor! Bad!

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