This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for Nov. 25, 2009
By Curt David
November 25, 2009
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, The One, se7en, 9 to 5, 21, 300, and 1984 all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Dear Catherine Zeta-Jones, congrats on your new movie, The Rebound, being the number one movie in Romania. When will it come to the USA?!??!)
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For Thanksgiving weekend, the movies opening in wide release are: Ninja Assassin, Old Dogs, and The Fantastic Mr. Fox.
| Ninja Assassin | Old Dogs | The Fantastic Mr. Fox | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | Either a movie about a ninja who is also an assassin, or a movie about a person who only assassinates Ninjas. | Either a movie about old dogs, or, well, that's pretty much all this movie could be about. | Either a movie based on Roald Dahl's novel, or a movie that is going to get sued for copyright infringement. | The point is split between The Fantastic Mr. Fox with the clearest title, and Ninja Assassin with the coolest title. |
Best Genre &
Rating | Action/Thriller
Rated R for strong, stylized violence throughout, and language.
| Family Comedy
Rated PG for some mild rude humor.
| Animation
Rated PG for action, smoking, and slang humor.
| While I appreciate slang humor and mild rude humor as much as the next guy, Ninja Assassin takes the point with "Stylized Violence." |
| Best Tagline | Fear not the weapon, but the one who wields it. | Sit. Stay. Play Dad. | Dig the life fantastic. | Play Dad!! Get it? Sounds like Play Dead, a command for dogs, and this movie is called Old Dogs, and is about Dads! Hahahaha, point. |
| Best Part of Trailer | They weren't kidding about the stylized violence. It got my adrenaline going. | The trailer was just one scene from the movie. It made me laugh. | The animation style was unique, and the story seems fun. It made me want to see it. | "It made me want to see it," is always an automatic point for the Best Trailer category. |
| Lead Actor | Rain, who is a famous dancer, singer, actor, and model in South Korea. Also acted in Speed Racer. | Robin Williams has made you laugh before in Aladdin, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Happy Feet. | George Clooney, from ER and the Ocean's trilogy, is the voice of Mr. Fox. | All these gentlemen are talented, yet one doesn't make me want to see his movie above another. So all three will split the point. |
| Best Cast Member | Naomie Harris, aka Calypso from the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. | John Travolta, aka Danny Zuko in Grease. | Meryl Streep, aka The Devil Wears Prada, is the voice of Mrs. Fox. | If you combine Travolta's previous iconic roles, with Naomie's current relevance, you will get Meryl Streep. That didn't make sense? Doesn't matter. Point for Meryl Streep. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Directed by James McTeigue, who also directed V is for Vendetta and was an assistant director for the Matrix Trilogy. | Director Walt Becker has also directed Van Wilder and Wild Hogs. | Director Wes Anderson has also directed Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums. | Anyone with the Matrix on their resume has enough street cred to win this point. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Ninja Assassin scores 2 5/6 points, The Fantastic Mr. Fox scores 2 5/6 points, and Old Dogs scores 1 1/3 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are a female, feel free to see Twilight: New Moon for a second time this weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Ninja Assassin AND The Fantastic Mr. Fox are the movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I still don't know if the word Ninja in Ninja Assassin describes the person, or describes who the person assassinates.
Conclusion 3: Hahahaha. Play Dad. Hahaha. Whew.
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