This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for Nov. 13th, 2009
By Curt David
November 13, 2009
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Bewitched, Blair Witch Project, and Race to Witch Mountain are all different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Dear Catherine Zeta-Jones, you even got me to go and watch the musical Chicago).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of November 13th, the only movie opening in wide release is 2012. Plus, Pirate Radio is opening in some theaters.
| | 2012 | Pirate Radio | WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
| Clearest Title | Is this a movie about two years from now? Fascinating. | Is this a movie about Jack Sparrow and his radio show? Hopefully. | Pirate Radio has the coolest title, and it also has this point. |
Best Genre &
Rating | Disaster
PG-13
| Comedy
R
| I think I just made up the genre "Disaster". Point for me. |
| Best Tagline | We were warned. | On air. Off shore. Out of Control. | We were warned? Oh shoot, something bad is going to happen. Point for 2012. |
| Best Part of Trailer | End of the world. End of international landmarks. | British accents. Guy walking into a pole. | Pirate Radio seems like it has a good plot. On the other hand, 2012 seems like it will be fun to watch. Both movies split the point. |
| Lead Actor | John Cusack from Sixteen Candles, High Fidelity, and 1408. | Philip Seymour Hoffman from Doubt, Mission Impossible III, and Capote. | John Cusack is cooler and gets the point. (You don't agree? Then go and write your own movie column.) |
| Best Cast Member | Danny Glover was Roger Murtaugh in the Lethal Weapon movies. | Bill Nighy was Davy Jones in the Pirates of the Carribean Trilogy and will be Rufus Scrimgeour in the last two Harry Potter movies. | Harry Potter usually trumps all. Point for Bill and Pirate Radio. |
| Best Street Cred for the Production | Director Roland Emmerich also directed, wrote, and produced The Day After Tomorrow, Godzilla, and Independence Day.
| Director Richard Curtis also directed Love Actually, and also wrote Bridget Jones's Diary, Notting Hill, and Four Weddings and a Funderal. | I think that these two directors should make a movie together, an end-of-the-world British romantic comedy. They both split the point. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, 2012 scores 4 points and Pirate Radio scores 3 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like Twilight, come back to the theaters next week. However, if you are still on the fence on which new release to watch this weekend, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, 2012 is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Crap, I really thought I invented the term "Disaster Film." Sadly, Wikipedia has an article all about it, and apparently this genre was even more popular in the 1970s.
Conclusion 3: However, I do want credit for the idea of every year destroying the world again in the sequels 2013, 2014, and so on...
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