By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
October 31, 2009
Here's something you may not have known about Laura. She went to a religious institution and majored in theology and women's ministry. She states that she won't be a pastor, because she feels that it is not the role of women to pastor to men. Yes, she is a fundamentalist who feels that women should be subservient to men. Fittingly, she confides this news to Evil Loser Russell. At this point, we would normally indicate that God has sent a loyal servant an emissary to help in their worthy cause. In this particular instance, we're inclined to think that Satan is pleased with the loathsome manner in which Evil Loser Russell has behaved and has sent him a minion as a showing of gratitude. Seriously, the woman hater has just been delivered the perfect woman for his purposes. This is such an unlikely series of events that we find ourselves wondering if the casting director chose both of these people in the hope of just this scenario unfolding. Evil Loser Russell and Laura finalize a secret alliance among the opposing tribe members. We'd be more worried about this if not for the fact that there was a super-secret four player alliance last season and we saw what a train wreck that was.
People enjoy their delicious meal on a yacht. Except Monica. This game is not unfolding the way it played out in Monica's head. Like, people aren't doing all the things she wants them to do and stuff. Mirroring her unhappiness on the yacht is Liz back at her camp. And she doesn't even have the consolation prize of a delicious meal. Liz is trying to start a fire, work on their shelter and, you know, do some work around camp. As she is attempting to be productive, everyone's new best friend, Laura, is talking to Natalie about being religious and the joys of being a Harley Davidson owner. Natalie takes this opportunity to detail various epiphanies she's had while reading various self-help books. Liz's fury is a solid seven on the Russell Crowe Rage scale. It's not enough for them to be ignoring all of her hints about helping; they have to incessantly chirp on about stuff that seems a bit too The Secret for Liz. We get the vibe that Liz doesn't have a season pass for Oprah. Of course, her problem here is that everyone in camp has fallen in love with Laura, which means they have that much less need for Liz after the merge, maybe even sooner.
We are back to a pair of challenges this week, the preferred choice of the Survivor recappers. These competitions make for good television and they also go a long way toward determining tribal behavior, depending on the result. Nothing demoralizes a tribe faster than getting blown out in a challenge. To wit, Probst (impressively) notices that Foa Foa's leader, Mick, has not worn his necklace to the challenge. When pressed as to why, Mick states that the tribe felt it was bad luck. That's right. The host of the show thought that its absence might indicate some challenge for authority and that Mick's leadership had been stripped. Instead, these motards are simply superstitious. Dear losers: it's not a necklace that is making you lose. It's that your opponents are outplaying you. This is why we have to laugh whenever we hear about what a great game Evil Loser Russell is playing. He tore down his troops from within and now the full effects that are on display for all to watch. What gamesmanship. He sunk his own boat and yet some people are complimenting his abilities as a sailor. It's hard not to laugh at the logic of that.