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If you're still there, I thank you for continuing to read my opinions now that I've outed myself as an ignorant moron. So I watched the trailer for Paranormal Activity, almost excited at the thought of a game changer that might actually turn the tides. The business it's been doing certainly seems to indicate that. Meh, the sheet thing is creepy I guess, but it still looked promising. I went and checked the reviews, and it was 86% at RottenTomatoes. Wow. But that's just inflated from all those annoying bloggers who thought the movie was The Fourth Kind. So I checked the Cream of the Crop. 90%. Could this be for real? How had I been so out of it? I began reading some of the snippets, which were overwhelmingly positive. That was an encouraging sign since critics' approach to horror seems to be similar to mine. They're always going in with a negative outlook so it takes a lot to sway them. But then I arrived at Michael Phillips, a reviewer for the Chicago Tribune and new co-host of At The Movies. His quote read, "I say see it, before the inevitable overhyping begins, along with the inevitable backlash." Aye, there's the rub. I realized it's already too late for me.

A breakout film can never sustain the hype. It's something that happens every Oscar season. This past year with Slumdog Millionaire, everyone who saw it after late January came out saying, "it's good but I don't see what all the fuss is about" response. The same goes for Juno before it, just as with Sideways, Finding Neverland and Lost in Translation.

I know a lot of it is marketing. The PA trailer is more about convincing someone they're missing the movie of the decade rather than showing what it's actually about. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's their job. Part of what made Hitchcock so influential was that he was a brilliant promoter, urging audiences not to reveal "the secret" at the end of Psycho – perhaps the greatest horror film ever made, even by today's standards. But when you over-convince people to see the film, the experience is dulled. If you really like a movie, tell someone they should see it. But don't preface it with, "Oh my god. It was amazing!" Because when someone's told something is amazing, their mind cooks up something that is impossible to live up to. The problem with these word-of-mouth successes is that they are fueled by expectation. And expectations destroy movies. I look back to seeing Burn After Reading. It had a great trailer and actors, with the Cohens coming off No Country for Old Men and returning to Lebowski mode. I was expecting to be knocked on my ass. I was totally disappointed. But a year later I caught the last two-thirds on HBO thinking it was garbage. It was totally enjoyable.

So to all you movie-goers out there who are about to have your life changed this weekend by Michael Jackson and This Is It, I offer this humble plea. When you go tell all your friends they HAVE to see it? Chill out!

As for my original query, I am now faced with an ultimatum. Do I see Paranormal Activity and walk out of the theatre scratching my head wondering what everyone was so gaga about as I come to terms with the fact that I just paid money for something I knew going in would only amount to hacking 90 minutes off the end of my life? Or do I swallow hard and accept that in the future I may just have to endure uttering the mortifying "I've never seen it" when it comes up in conversation?

Frustration over embarrassment. What would you do? I honestly have no idea.

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