This Weekend, Watch This
By Curt David
October 16, 2009
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly - The Beach, Dune, and Sahara are all different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Dear Catherine Zeta-Jones, I saw Mask of Zorro seven times in the theaters).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of October 16th, the movies opening in wide release are Law Abiding Citizen, The Stepfather, and Where the Wild Things Are. Plus, Paranormal Activity is expanding to more theaters.
| | Law Abiding Citizen | The Stepfather | Where the Wild Things Are | Paranormal Activity | WINNER
(1 point per category) |
| Clearest Title | This title suggests the least action-packed movie ever. | This title suggests a sequel to Julia Roberts' Stepmom. | This title suggests an adaptation to the book Where the Wild Things Are!!!!!!!!! | This title suggests a sci-fi movie, or a comedy where a guy tries to figure out women. | Where the Wild Things Are and Paranormal Activity split the point for the clearest title. |
| Best Genre & Rating | Thriller
R
(This movie will most likely make jaywalking an edge of your seat event!)
| Horror Thriller
PG-13
(This movie will most likely stereotype stepfathers - as Snow White did stepmothers.) | Family Adventure
PG
(This movie will most likely be an adventure for the whole family.) | Horror
R
(This movie will most likely not be a comedy where a guy tries to figure out women.) | Should "Horror Thriller" only be rated PG-13? Should a thriller be called "Law Abiding Citizen"? Where the Wild Things Are and Paranormal Activity each get half a point again. |
| Best Tagline | Justice at ANY cost | This fall, Daddy's home. | There's One in All of Us | What happens when you sleep? | The Stepfather has the creepiest tagline in cinema history. Point.
|
| Best Part of Trailer | The plot. "A man who loses everything is capable of anything." | The power saw scene. | Seeing the Wild Things, and the song "Wake Up", by Arcade Fire in the background. | Half of the trailer showed the audience watching the low-budget movie and being freaked out. | First, I thought Stepfather would be bad, and the other 3 movies just okay. Now, I think Stepfather might be okay and the other 3 might be awesome. Good job, trailers - all movies split the point. |
| Lead Actor | Gerald Butler - aka King Leonidas from 300.
| Dylan Walsh - aka Dr. McNamara from Nip/Tuck. | Max Records will also be known as Max from Where the Wild Things Are.
| Katie Featherston will also be known as the girl from Paranormal Activity. | Gerald "THIS IS SPARTA!" Butler demands to win this round. |
| Best Cast Member | Jamie Foxx from In Living Color, The Jamie Foxx Show, Collateral, and Ray. | Sela Ward from Sisters, Once and Again, and nine episodes of House. | The Wild Things from Maurice Sendak's book Where the Wild Things Are. | Micah Sloat in his first movie. | The Wild Things showed promising talent in their book. Another point. |
| Best Street Cred for the Production | The director, F. Gary Gary, has a cool name and has directed music videos for Outkast, R. Kelly, and Cypress Hill. | The director, Nelson McCormick, has directed episodes for over 20 TV shows, including Alias, Prison Break, ER, and CSI. | The director Spike Jonze, not to be confused with Spike Lee, has directed music videos for Weezer, Tenacious D, Bjork, and Beastie Boys. | You. This movie is "The first-ever major film release decided by you," which means 1,000,000 people demanded to see it, so Paramount is releasing it nationwide. | If I give Paranormal Activity the point, that's sort of like me winning. Paranormal Activity wins the point! |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Where the Wild Things Are scores 2 1/4 points, Paranormal Activity scores 2 1/4 points, Law Abiding Citizen scores 1 1/4 points, and The Stepfather scores 1 1/4 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like comedies, visit your local Redbox. However, if you are still on the fence on which new release to watch this weekend, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Where the Wild Things Are and Paranormal Activity are the movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I owe Bjork an apology. She spells her name with two dots over the "O," yet I don't have that key on my keyboard.
Conclusion 3: If you put something on the Internet, anybody can read it. (Ricky Gervais read my first column, said, "This is fun though," and posted a link of it on his blog. Go to http://www.rickygervais.com/thissideofthetruth.php, scroll down to Week 86/Sept/Oct., and click the "This is fun though" link .)
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