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Survivor: Samoa

Taking Candy From a Baby

By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower

September 24, 2009

Losers.

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Even rougher for Foa Foa is the fact that they still will have to go to Tribal Council and vote out an additional member. Mick, who's a smart guy, realizes that they're in a spot of trouble. I'm not sure if the rest of his team does.

We make a brief stop at Galu to see Shambo (remember Shambo? You may remember her from such films as Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Oscar and Over the Top) insisting that she has all kinds of experience in spear fishing. Her tribemates sit back and anxiously await their seafood buffet. Alas, though Shambo considers her day successful because she takes her first bath in five days, her tribe disagrees. Not only does she return with NO fish, but she also broke the equipment. Needless to say, Shambo is in trouble. And we're talking Ivan Drago trouble, not Thunderlips trouble. She's lucky Galu has immunity right now.

But we're quickly back over to Foa Foa, where visiting Yasmin tries to help. In the worst way possible. Basically, she tells them that they suck, they're clueless and they're hopeless. But they shouldn't worry, because she has such a benevolent spirit that she will help them stop being abysmal failures at Survivor. She even tells Ben that he needs private tutoring. Obviously, his problems are more pronounced. We're not being hyperbolic when we say that this is one of the stupidest and strangest things we've ever seen on the show. It's almost like a fan from the stands has jumped out of the stands to tell the Chicago Bears how to play the game. If she gets into a fight with Evil Russell, we might root for Evil Russell.




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Alas, she does not get into a fight with Evil Russell. After failing to understand a word of the clue given to her for the hidden Immunity Idol (do you have any idea how many trees there are in a jungle?), she breaks out her wagging as she lays into Ben for tackling her during the Immunity Challenge. This fight lasts longer than Titanic - and we mean the voyage, not the movie. We're sure the scenario played out differently in her head. She gets extremely frustrated that Ben won't just admit that it was wrong to tackle a woman, while he correctly surmises that she is an idiot. The trouble is, he does with an undercurrent of racism. In the end, the rest of the Foa Foa tribe decides to avoid Yasmin, and might have also settled on Ben as their biggest liability. At this point, it looks like he is going to have to work very hard to survive Tribal Council.

This is only exacerbated when Ben begins chopping wood with a machete while his teammates are trying to sleep. Still, the youthful tribe has somehow determined that Betsy is a liability due to her age (47). After pleading her case to Ashley and Elizabeth, Ashley does start to ponder why it wouldn't be smarter to eliminate Ben. After all, Ben did sort of cost them the Immunity Challenge. Her suggestion falls on seemingly deaf ears, though. It also raises the ire of Evil Russell, who wants things to go exactly according to his plan. He wants Betsy gone because she doesn't trust him. Now Ashley has put herself in his line of fire as well.

And Tribal Council reveals that Evil Russell is indeed in complete control of Foa Foa in spite of Probst's laughable assertion that Mick is the tribe leader. The New Hampshire cop puts up some valiant arguments as to why she deserves to stay over Ben (who tells Probst that his strict "no cheap shot" guidelines during the Immunity Challenge were "pussy rules), but ultimately, being 47 is a greater crime than losing a challenge and being completely obnoxious. Logan's Run rules apply at Foa Foa.


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