September 2009 Forecast

By Shane Jenkins

September 4, 2009

Life's a little more fun with a monkey on your back.

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2) 9

Me: 9 (not to be confused with 300 other movies coming out with "9" in the title) is an animated movie from producers Tim Burton and Wanted's Timur Bekmambetov. It's about a creature that has to defeat the evil machines that have wiped out humankind. It's got a great look and an intriguing premise.

Angel: And Elijah Wood. *swoon*

Devil: Yeah, he loves Elijah Wood. He actually owns The Faculty.

Me: Focus...

Angel: Sorry. 9 has been building up a lot of buzz from its mysterious previews and unique-looking art style. There's something kind of Matrix-y about it.

Devil: The thing that may hurt it is that it might be one of those movies without a clearly defined audience. Is it for kids? Looks too scary. For adults? It's animated. Are there enough sci-fi geeks and Night Watch fanboys to have this make money?

Angel: I've already bought nine tickets.

Devil: You know it's just Elijah's voice, right?


3) Jennifer's Body

Me: Jennifer's Body is Diablo Cody's feature follow-up script to Juno. It stars Megan Fox as the world's unlikeliest high-schooler, who is both a hot chick and some sort of monster. And who apparently does not feel pain when fire is applied to her tongue.

Devil: My people are pretty excited for this one. Recruitment's been down lately, and it'll be good for our image if people associate us with Megan Fox instead of, like, Led Zeppelin. People think we're stuck in the '70s.

Angel: Maybe you should get rid of all those avocado-color dishwashers you guys have everywhere.

Devil: Avocado is soothing!

Angel: Anyway, unlike 9, this does have a very specific audience – older teens looking for a funny/scary night out. This looks like it will deliver that.

Devil: There was a lot of Juno backlash that seems to have carried over to Cody's Showtime series The United States of Tara. It might be trendy at this point to hate Cody's very particular writing style.

Angel: The quips look funny, though. And I don't think we can discount the presence of Ms. Fox, who is coming off the biggest movie of the year. I'm curious to see if she can do anything more than run from fake robots all slutty-like while having her mascara remain perfect.

Devil: I think the red-band trailer is infinitely better than the green-band one in theaters.

Angel: You would. You know she doesn't actually get naked in this, right?

Devil: A boy can dream.

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