July 2009 Forecast
By Borat Sagdiyev
July 3, 2009
Jak sie masz? My name-a Borat. I like you. I like sex. Is nice! My new BOP friends ask me to talk about movies for you. I don't see no Pamela Anderson movies on this list, but I try my best!
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
In this Harry Potter movie, it look like bad gypsies are try to destroy the world. But then it look like good gypsies are try to save world. To this, I say LIES! All gypsies are evil! They place curses and are scary scary! I would like very much to have tears of gypsy Harry Potter. Borat would have all power in the world! I hope that the U.S. will kill all the gypsy terrorist who blowing up bridges. This would be very good movie.
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
I do not understand these dinosaurs. Old Kazakh wife stories say that many many years ago, giant lizards roamed our homeland. Are these same lizards? How we know what these lizards look like? Maybe these dinosaur lizards could be used to eat evil gypsies! Good comedy!
Maybe these lizard gypsy destroyers make good pet. I will get one, but then my neighbor Nushuktan Tulyiagby just go get a bigger lizard with sharper teeth. He is pain in my assholes.
This Public Enemy film make me feel like American movie star Dirty Harold. Make my day, Johnny Depp! If you keep shooting good American people, I don't think I can like you anymore. But I like this French woman in the movie. Is nice! I take her as second wife, go back to Kazakhstan, let her take over plow. Oh, and sexy time. Much sexy time.
I like to laugh very much! I like to see these funny people in this movie. They tell many jokes. I have senses of humor. My new favorite joke about chair with shoes goes like this. This time, chair is red and it goes to grocery store. It walk and walk and walk. Bup bup bup bup bup. Is funny, right! Is different than last time I tell joke! These funny people should tell this joke. But I hope doctor in this movie not really try to kill Bruce Willis. Go Die Hard!
This Bruno make me feel strange. He seem to me to be strangely familiar. Do I know him from Kazakhstan? Even though this Bruno say he is Austrian, he not look like Hitler. This make me confuse. How I know this man, and where did he get iPod to trade for baby?!
Am I supposed to like these super furry lizards more than other lizard? And why do these lizard talk? I never see any lizard or rat or mouse or cat or dog ever say a word, but in these movies, all the animals are talking! Do you have better animals in United States? Are Kazakh animals stupid? Figures we get all the ugly women with deep voice and hair on chest AND stupid animals with no talking or crime solving.
Aliens in the Attic
MORE lizard? Why you Americans like talking lizard so much? I do not understand this. But wawaweewa! This beautiful Ashley Tisdale is make me forget Pamela Anderson! I very much like to make sexy time with her. I find her on the channel of Disney where she sing and dance. And dance. I watch her dance whenever I see her! Miss Ashley, you can be my new American girlfriend. I will find you. You make me feel warm in my banana hammock.
The Ugly Truth
But wait! Why this movie call the Ugly truth? This woman Katherine Heigl is not ugly. She is Curvy! Her golden hair and pink lips give me funny funny feeling! At least she is not talking to any lizard! But I must do something about this bohunk Gerard the butler. He does not act like butler! Stay away from sweet Kate unless you serve her drink!
You Americans and your movies. I do not understand this Orphan. In my country, Kazakhstan, our orphans are happy to come and work for you! They clean and cook and do plowing. Why is this girl orphan in movie so angry? This family give her clothes and food and not even ask her to repay them or do harvesting for wheat. I think you must get better control of your womens.
I Love You, Beth Cooper
Oh! I am loving this Beth Cooper too! She is sexy lady! I see her in cheerleader outfit and my heart begins to go thadum thadum! And boy who loves her is small man child. I can take him! She can drive me around in her pussy magnet car anytime. I will follow her and make sexy time with her to end of Earth.
Thank you for read my writings. I hope you like. Dziekuje.