Amazing Race Recap
Our Parents Will Cry Themselves to Death
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
April 19, 2009
The first clue directs teams to make their way to the 24 Bridge. We presume that their next task will be to dismantle a bomb faster than Jack Bauer. But we're wrong. Instead, the Roadblock has them training a cormorant (a small water bird) to dive for ten fish, which they will put in a basket.
Oh, hey! The Amazing Race takes a few minutes to remind us that Mark & Michael are still in the race! Instead of goofy music, they're playing Mission: Impossible-esque music as the stunt brothers try to locate the hair salon. Of course, we have no idea what time it is or how far behind they are, but we're pretty sure it's safe to say that we have as good a chance of finishing in fourth place or higher as these guys do.
On the approach to the clue box at 24 Bridge, Jen and Luke are at it again. They exchange elbows and run into each other and eventually, Jen is pushed into the clue box. Margie is quick to yell at Jen to "cut it out!" (and we understand this is maternal instinct kicking in), but really, this is juvenile behavior on the part of both teams. It matters pretty much not at all which team gets to the clue box first. We're not really sure if Luke deserves a little bit more slack because he's deaf, but we do know that it's just not a good idea to get into a war with someone who is disabled.
Back over to the stunt men (we're not sure why they're even bothering at this point), they've finally located the hair salon and are discovering that it's time to do their Speed Bump. Unless it instructs them to go directly to the Pit Stop, we're pretty sure they're boned. Lindsay Lohan's career is in better shape. Of course, they are not instructed to go to the Pit Stop. Instead, they must wash and dry the hair of two women. No word on if Zohan-like activities are expected afterwards.
The cormorant training exercise is actually quite close between the first four teams. Jen & Kisha and Jaime & Cara are first to finish, and their next clue instructs them to proceed to the "Ancient South Gate". Yeah, that's not vague. It sounds like something Jackie Chan might have to look for in one of his movies in order to prevent the evil serpent god from finding all of the tokens that will allow him to rule the world.
Margie & Luke are next to finish, though Luke gets bitten by one of the birds. Jen claims he's a victim of karma, but we're pretty sure that she only believes in the My Name Is Earl-flavored karma, where it's karma if it's to her advantage, but she doesn't believe in that crap if it doesn't help her in some way.
W.C. Fields once said, "Never work with animals or children." Victor & Tammy are learning to appreciate the validity of this maxim. Their bird is unwilling to give up its food, so it comes up with the obvious solution none of the other fowl have considered. It just flies away. We're unsure if they will be given a new bird or if they just have to wait for their cormorant to fly back home.