Academy Awards 2009: Worst Dressed
By Kim Hollis
February 23, 2009
Poor Miley Cyrus. I think this Zuhair Murad dress weighed more than she did. Jimmy Buffett has a song titled "West Nashville Grand Ballroom Gown", and I couldn't help but think of it when I saw the dress. Sure, it might be the kind of thing you would expect to see at a debutante ball, but that doesn't mean it works in Hollywood. Or anywhere else, for that matter.
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I usually think Reese Witherspoon looks outstanding, but her dress last night was a total miss. Black and blue just make me think of bruising, and the weird strappy neck thing just made no sense.
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Mamma Mia!'s Amanda Seyfried just looked silly in this ever-so-red frock. The bow is just too big for her petite frame and the dress is ill-fitting in general. She only made things worse with her lip-synched performance in the horrible musical montage.
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Speaking of the horrible musical performance, we may never forgive Beyonce Knowles for her over-the-top showing during that segment. And really, why was she there, anyway? Do people really like her that much? She didn't help matters with this House of Dereon mermaid dress that looks as though it was made from bad drapes. It highlights all her worst features, has a horrific neckline and is just god-awful ugly, to boot.
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Oh, Philip Seymour Hoffman. What were you thinking with this hideous black skullcap? Is it any wonder that Alan Arkin called you Seymour Philip Hoffman as he announced your nomination? He was completely thrown off by the fact that you looked like you were more ready to hang with some gang members than to accept an award.
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At first blush, you might not think there's that much to object about when it comes to Melissa Leo's attire. The rust-colored dress is actually a fine color for her, and the fit is quite nice. It's when you realize that her necklace is actually a spider that you start to see where it all went wrong. But it's her hair that completely kills her appearance. Perhaps she's working on a Saturday Night Fever remake.
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Remember Fast Times at Ridgemont High? You know, the days when Sean Penn was Spicoli and you drooled over Phoebe Cates as she climbed out of the swimming pool? Those days are gone, my friend. Not only is Penn winning Academy Awards, but now Cates is dressed in the frumpiest mother-of-the-bride gown she could find.
My apologies to Kevin Kline, who really looks just fine. He was just caught in the crossfire here.
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Aaaaaaah! Yes, age finally appears to have caught up to Sophia Loren. Perhaps she had a deal with the devil that finally wore off. Either way, Loren looked terrifying as she presented the Best Actress award, all orange-y brown and Crypt Keeper-ish. Of course, age gets the best of all of us, so instead of focusing on that, I'll instead comment that her dress was an Oscar-colored nightmare.
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What the hell were you thinking, Whoopi Goldberg? Not only is the leopard print on your dress hideous in its own right, but the dress itself is ill-fitting and practically shapeless. And speaking of ill-fitting, those sleeves are so long we can't see your hands. What are you trying to hide, Whoopi?
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Last year, she wore something that appeared to have been fashioned from a garbage bag. This year, Tilda Swinton chose to go with the garbage bag for the skirt portion of her outfit, while choosing a flesh-colored blouse for her top half. Odd-looking to begin with, Swinton always seems to find attire that accentuates her strange features and coloring. The result is that she frequently looks like a bag lady (literally) who has been dolled up with makeup and had her hair styled.
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